The parent responsible can be found between "morocco" and "morose"

Via the General (who got it from Joe. My. God.) we learn of a new contender for the Barbara Kay pearl-clutching crown.

Menifee school officials remove dictionary over term 'oral sex'

Monday, January 25, 2010
By JULISSA McKINNON The Press-Enterprise
Read an update to this story
After a parent complained about an elementary school student stumbling across "oral sex" in a classroom dictionary, Menifee Union School District officials decided to pull Merriam Webster's 10th edition from all school shelves earlier this week.
School officials will review the dictionary to decide if it should be permanently banned because of the "sexually graphic" entry, said district spokeswoman Betti Cadmus. The dictionaries were initially purchased a few years ago for fourth- and fifth-grade classrooms districtwide, according to a memo to the superintendent.
"It's just not age appropriate," said Cadmus, adding that this is the first time a book has been removed from classrooms throughout the district.
"It's hard to sit and read the dictionary, but we'll be looking to find other things of a graphic nature," Cadmus said. She explained that other dictionary entries defining human anatomy would probably not be cause for alarm.

"Graphic nature?" Wowsers! - let's have a look at what Merriam-Webster's has to say for itself.

oral sex n (1973): oral stimulation of the genitals: CUNNILINGUS, FELLATIO These are a few of my faaaa-vorite things! (Ed: Stop that! no singing, no sniggering!)

Whew! is it hot in here or what? Anyone thinks of that as "sexually graphic" probably thinks of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue as hard core pornography. (Ed: Keep using those key search words, think of the traffic!)

The first thing kids do when handed a dictionary for the first time is to look up every so-called dirty word they can find. Admittedly, the full-on Merriam-Webster's Collegiate might not be the optimal choice for first graders, but these are fourth and fifth graders we are talking about. I have one of those and he stays up and watches television past 8 p.m. In North America that would mean he's seen television commercials for boner pills, tampons and watched sitcoms. I betcha he's even heard some of the seven words you used to not be allowed to say on television. Actually, I know he has - he's seen me watch the news a few times. It's one of the reasons I wasn't allowed to watch any of the U.S. presidential campaign debates at home since the first Bush-Kerry debate in 2004. Mind you, he hasn't really heard the best stuff yet since we haven't had occasion to do any carpentry work together yet. But I digress slightly.

If the powers that be in Stupidville Menifee Union School District out in California are so easily bullied by a single irate parent, where will this end? I'm guessing this is the kind of district where the kids are not allowed anything but plastic sporks in the lunch room and little boys who make the thumb-up-index-finger-extended-from-fist gesture while saying "bang, bang" are sent to the school shrink and kindergarten kids must pass through a metal detector and close body search before entering school grounds. What do they do if a kid farts, suspend them for "obscene behavior"?

Their school libraries must be a treat. I'm guessing no occult-promoting Harry Potter or even ghost stories, no stories that depict violence (like every detective story ever written, most history books and the Bible), nothing vulgar (good bye Capt. Underpants and Judy Blume) nothing that might suggest evolution is more correct than creationism (farewell Origin of Species and all biology texts) or that suggests -- I suspect it's probably a broom closet with a copy of the local White Pages and a couple of old Dick and Jane books.

Once you start taking out the dictionaries for not being age-appropriate, how do the kids advance their vocabularies beyond their current reading level? Where does the censorship end?
After all, almost any word can be dirty if you say it right.

More bullshit from Rideau Hall

While it may just be the latest shiny object to be dangled in front of the public to keep them distracted from Stephen Harper's prorogation shenanigans and the response from both the electorate and the opposition until the big Burning Stick Festival in Vancouver next month, I still think this is unfair, hypocritical and just plain mean-spirited.

Cancer runner Steve Fonyo stripped of Order of Canada
The Canadian Press
VANCOUVER — He finished Terry Fox's run across Canada and raised millions for cancer research, but in the two decades since then his life has been marked by run-ins with the law.
Now Rideau Hall has revoked Steve Fonyo Jr.'s membership in the Order of Canada, one of the country's highest civilian honours.
Fonyo, an amputee like Fox, was awarded the order in 1985 after raising more than $13 million. It was recognition of his 14-month, 8,000-kilometre trek on an artificial leg along the Trans-Canada Highway, completing the epic journey Fox had planned from St. John's, NL, to Victoria.
Owing to a slew of criminal convictions, however, the 44-year-old was stripped of the award on Dec. 10. A notice of the revocation appeared in the Canada Gazette on Jan. 23.
Fonyo, then of Vernon, B.C., was named The Canadian Press Newsmaker of the Year in 1985, but his stretch of inspirational stories eventually took a negative turn.
The one-time hero, who lost his leg to bone cancer at age 12, battled cocaine addiction and depression.

The story goes on to describe Fonyo's various convictions for petty drug offenses, assault, check-kiting and drunken driving. CTV ran a response from Fonyo a day later - he spoke to them by telephone from jail.

Admittedly Fonyo has not lead an exemplary life since he was awarded the Order at age 18, but he was not given the award for the life he was going to lead or for his ongoing contributions to Canada - he was given the award for finishing what Terry Fox started, running across the country on an artificial leg to raise awareness of and money for cancer research.

Compare his case to this one:

Mountie who admitted sexually assaulting teen will receive bravery
medal

The Governor General's office says an Alberta Mountie who has admitted sexually assaulting a teenage girl will still receive a national award for bravery.

By Calgary Herald
September 4, 2008

CALGARY - The Governor General’s office says an Alberta Mountie who has admitted sexually assaulting a teenage girl will still receive a national award for bravery.
Guy Armand Raes of Airdrie was recently named a recipient of the Governor
General’s Star of Courage award.
On Wednesday, a week after the announcement, Raes was in front of a provincial court judge pleading guilty to sexually assaulting a teen he befriended through an RCMP investigation. He will be sentenced next week.
Raes, 50, helped rescue a young couple and guided other residents to safety during a massive row house fire in Airdrie, a residential community just north of Calgary, in August 2005. The court case has no bearing on Raes’s award, according to the Governor General’s office.
“He is being recognized for an act of bravery that happened in 2005,” said Marie-Paule Thorn, spokeswoman for the Governor General’s office.

Now, to be honest, I think that Mr. Raes should keep his Star of Courage award. As the GG's spokewoman says, the award is about a specific deed that he performed in 2005 and no matter what he did afterwards, that deed stands alone. The same could be said to be true for Steve Fonyo - as an 18 year old he set out to run across the country and raise money for cancer research, finishing the job Terry Fox could not. He spent 14 months of his life accomplishing this astonishing feat, raised nearly $14 million dollars for cancer research and inspired the nation. Has he lived an exemplary life since then? No. So what? His troubled life since then does not in any way diminish his accomplishment and it is for that accomplishment the Order of Canada was awarded.

I'll admit the rules do say the order can be stripped from those who are "convicted of a Crime in Canada or if the conduct of the person has otherwise brought dishonour to the Order. A person can also be removed from the Order if his or her personal conduct in public departs significantly from recognized standards and is seen as undermining the credibility, integrity, or relevance of the Order; if his or her conduct is a departure from what they have accomplished to be appointed to the Order; or if they have been subjected to an official sanction by an adjudicating body, professional association, or other organization."

So, what about this guy?

A distinguished Toronto entrepreneur and publisher, he is a man of diverse achievements within the realms of Canadian commerce, education, literature and the arts. In addition to his various business ventures, which have enhanced Canada's visible presence internationally, he is well known for his generous support of many charitable endeavours, notably the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry.

Or this guy:

An entrepreneur and a risk-taker, he revolutionized film presentation and distribution in Canada and has also made an invaluable contribution to the growth of theatrical production in this country. His operation of an historic Toronto theatre and another in North York has raised the standards of commercial theatre and provided new opportunities for Canadian talent in an industry which, through his influence, has become a respected player in the international marketplace.

Whoops, both of them are in jail over illegal deeds they committed in the area for which they were given the Order of Canada, and one of them renounced his citizenship to accept foreign honors just a decade after he was named to the order- why haven't they been stripped of their awards the way fellow fraudster Alan Eagleson was?

There are only two other people who have been stripped of the award:

Aboriginal leader David Ahenakew lost his membership in 2005 after being convicted of promoting hatred against Jews. He was later acquitted of the charge after an appeal.

*Lawyer and race-relations advocate T. Sher Singh lost his membership in 2008 after the Law Society of Upper Canada found him guilty of professional misconduct and revoked his license to practice law.

Chief Ahenakew's conduct was appalling and he was revealed to be an anti-Semite even though he was convicted of the charges against him initially, he was aquitted on appeal. T. Sher Singh was never even indicted for any crimes as far as I know, simply disbarred for professional misconduct, a far cry from being jailed for committing fraud in the course of the very thing for which one is being honored.

The GG's office is technically within its rights to strip Fonyo of his award, but if they do so, Black and Drabinsky had better be immediately stripped of theirs too, along with a number of other people who may have brought dishonor to the Order, or is accepting envelopes full of cash in hotel rooms and selling your influence an acceptable practice to the GG?

All TV news stories are exactly the same

At least a thousand words

This is the best Canadian political photo since Robert Stanfield dropped the football.

h/t to Dammit Janet and photographer Matthew Rossi

Very early Friday Uke blogging- a commission by an old friend

This is the splendiferous Rayne, the daughter (!!!!) of an old drinking buddy from the Sault. The sound quality is a bit rough, but the mountains of raw talent more than make up for it.

And yes, there are those who know me as Bernice -- it's a long story, but don't get your hopes up, it has nothing to do with surgery or cross dressing.

Sound quality issues aside, I have one other problem with this video and that is Rayne herself. She claims to be the daughter of an old friend of mine know as "Fish" and this whole thing sounds "fishy" ( you see what I did there?). Without meaning any disrespect for Rayne and not wanting to sound creepy and dirtyoldmanish - She is gorgeous as well as talented. My point being, she's way too pretty to be Fish's daughter. Also, Fish and I used to make fools of ourselves trying to meet girls like who looked like her, so clearly she is too old to be Fish's daughter, because if she is his daughter that would make him old. And if he's old, that would make me old. And that is just not going to happen.

Whomever's daughter she is, we hope Rayne makes her dad buy her a new microphone so she can make more uke videos.

I got your class war right here

Give a man a fish and he'll eat it, teach a man to fish....and he may starve to death waiting to get a bite.

There has been a lot of asinine talk lately about the evils of creating dependence among the poor by...well, y'know, making sure that they don't starve to death. My previous favorite were entitlement-crazed assholes like these on the right who felt that sending money to Haiti would just encourage people there to remain poor. It's funny that no one thought of how the Haitians were encouraging the French to be poor while they were paying reparations for freeing themselves from slavery between 1804 and 1947.

But my new favorite in the "I hope one day your car breaks down in the slums you helped create" sweepstakes is South Carolina Lt. Gov. and gubernatorial hopeful Andre Bauer who thinks the poor are a bunch of ungrateful layabouts breeding like the vermin he thinks they are because of school lunch programs.

GREENVILLE - Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer has compared giving people government assistanc to "feeding stray animals."

Bauer, who is running for the Republican nomination for governor, made his remark during a town hall meeting in Fountain Inn that included state lawmakers and about 115 residents.

"My grandmother was not a highly educated woman, but she told me as a small child to quit feeding stray animals. You know why? Because they breed. You're facilitating the problem if you give an animal or a person ample food supply. They will reproduce especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior. They don't know any better," Bauer said.

In South Carolina, 58 percent of students participate in the free and reduced-price lunch program.

Yes, Mr. Bauer, by all means deny aid to the children of irresponsible poor parents, that will teach them a lesson! And if little Johnny and Janey can't attend school because they are out dumpster diving to get enough to eat or can't concentrate at school because they didn't have breakfast and can't afford lunch, well then I guess they will learn not to be poor -- certainly it won't reinforce the cyclical nature of poverty and make more poor people. That would be unthinkable in a state as prosperous and egalitarian as yours

• According to statistics collected by the South Carolina Appleseed Legal Justice Center, (cribbed from the comments but tracked down to the linked source above)

  
  

  South Carolina ranks 45th in overall child wellbeing today.

  26% of children under the age of 6 years old lives in poverty.

  1 in 10 children live in extreme poverty.

  In 2006, 38% of babies were born to mothers who lacked adequate prenatal care.

  Infant mortality: 47th

  High school grad: 48th

  Obesity: 45th

  Infectious diseases: 42nd

  Violent crime: 50th (highest)

  Lack of health insurance: 37th

  Premature deaths: 46th

  Mental health: 41st

  Per capita income: 45th

  Underemployment: 46th

And what is this little tidbit of info?

Per dollar of federal tax collected in 2005, South Carolina citizens received approximately $1.35 in the way of federal spending. This ranks the state 16th highest nationally and represents a slight rise from 1995, when South Carolina received $1.20 per dollar of taxes in federal spending, ranking it 18th highest nationally.

hmmm, maybe the U.S. federal government should stop feeding South Carolina?

Aw, shit...

Yeah, I know people are dying in Haiti and Afghanistan and Iraq and Sudan and plenty of other places, but I didn't look at pictures of them every Thursday for the last several years.
For Beckham and the Tbogg clan

The Power of the Dog
by Rudyard Kipling

There is sorrow enough in the natural way
From men and women to fill our day;
And when we are certain of sorrow in store,
Why do we always arrange for more?
Brothers and sisters, I bid you beware
Of giving your heart to a dog to tear.

Buy a pup and your money will buy
Love unflinching that cannot lie--
Perfect passsion and worship fed
By a kick in the ribs or a pat on the head.
Nevertheless it is hardly fair
To risk your heart to a dog to tear.

When the fourteen years which Nature permits
Are closing in asthma, or tumour, or fits,
And the vet's unspoken prescription runs
To lethal chambers or loaded guns,
Then you will find--it's your own affair--
But ... you've given your heart to a dog to tear.

When the body that lived at your single will,
With its whimper of welcome, is stilled (how still!)
When the spirit that answered your every mood
Is gone--wherever it goes--for good,
You will discover how much you care,
And will give your heart to a dog to tear.

We've sorrow enough in the natural way,
When it comes to burying Christian clay.
Our loves are not given, but only lent,
At compound interest of cent per cent.
Though it is not always the case, I believe,
That the longer we've kept 'em, the more do we grieve:
For, when debts are payable, right or wrong,
A short-term loan is as bad as a long--
So why in Heaven (before we are there)
Should we give our hearts to a dog to tear?

Return of the son of Friday Ukulele Blogging

Five years old and he's already better than I am.

Democracy, a wholly owned subsidiary of Giganto-corp!

Shorter U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts: "I, for one, welcome our new corporate overlords!"

"Corporations have neither bodies to kick or souls to damn"

-Andrew Jackson

Things that suck

A little dated but I think the message here is still valid. Honestly, how do the Democrats lose the Kennedy family seat in the Senate to some teabagging, nude-posing pretty boy?

Meanwhile, in other things that suck, Haiti just had another major earthquake, Kate McGarrigle has died -who would have thought she'd be best known as Rufus' Mom? - and Spenser creator Robert B. Parker has died.

I'll be at the bar if anyone needs me....

Crazy by any other name is still crazy

Amid Haiti's decent into Hell, we see our old friends Pat "Gays caused 9/11" Robertson and Rush "Take the bone out of your nose" Limbaugh once again overflowing with the rancid milk of compassionate conservatism.

From CNN:

Robertson, the host of the "700 Club," blamed the tragedy on something that "happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it."
The Haitians "were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III and whatever," Robertson said on his broadcast Wednesday. "And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, 'We will serve you if you will get us free from the French.' True story. And so, the devil said, 'OK, it's a deal.' "
Native Haitians defeated French colonists in 1804 and declared independence.
"You know, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free. But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other."

Video here


Not to be outdone, Limbaugh, the secular Tweedledum to Robertson's Tweedledee, said the whole Trying-to-save-some-lives-Haiti thing was just a political stunt by Barack Obama:

From TPM

Limbaugh, on the other hand, suggested that the Obama administration would use contributions to the Red Cross to gather information about donors.
"Would you trust that the money is going to go to Haiti?" Limbaugh said. "Would you trust that your name is going to end up on a mailing list for the Obama people to start asking you for campaign donations for him and other causes?"
He also said Obama was so quick to begin assistance to Haiti in order to boost his "credibility with the black community, in the both light-skinned and dark-skinned black community in this country."

Now, I've calmed down sufficiently since first reading these comments that I no longer advocate nailing Pat Robertson's testicles to a plank and nailing the plank to a slow moving train crawling through Port-Au-Prince, though I think the Rude Pundit might be onto a good way to make the gruesome twosome of some use.

I've argued elsewhere (comment 32) that everyone has their role to play in society, even if only as a bad example - In the case of Rush Limbaugh for instance, we at least have a walking, waddling, talking, bloviating, living specimen of the perfect braying asshole, a textbook example of the kind of person you can point to and say to your kids, "Don't ever be like that."

Reasonable people can disagree as to whether Rush's mouth should, in the immortal words of Wammo, simply be filled in with cement -- I know, there's that whole "freedom of speech" thing to consider, but in the case of Pat Robertson I have to ask: If his constantly hyperoffensive comments weren't couched in religious terms, wouldn't he be in an institution by now?

How crazy does someone have to be before the authorities come around and throw a net over them? If he were blaming the earthquake in Haiti on giant cockroaches from Venus or claiming the voices in his head were those of the mole-people living under Idaho communicating with him telepathically, he would have been put away by now in a little room and dress in a nice white coat with extra-long sleeves. But since he ties all his crazy to Jesus and has managed to convince a bunch of idiots to send him a lot of money, our society doesn't consider him mentally ill.

It seems as long as you claim it's a matter of religious belief, you can pretty much do or say whatever you want, whether it's marry a half-dozen 15-year-olds, beat your spouse, refuse to eat pork, eschew the use of technology, keep and handle poisonous snakes or wage war to ethnically cleanse a patch of desert you claim is promised to you in your holy book. No one dares to call you crazy, no one is allowed to snicker at your heartfelt belief that the position of the entrails of the dead bird foretell the future or that the bread and wine magically become the body of a long dead teacher.

As long as you can tie your particular brand of crazy to a religion, you aren't a fruitcake, you're a "person of faith."

Don't misunderstand me, I don't necessarily think that anyone who believes in a god or gods is necessarily crazy or that all religious belief must be stamped out - I'm merely questioning why the western notion of religious freedom that originally meant that the state would not dictate
which church you wouldl be forced to attend or ban minority religions has somehow come to be a free pass for all manner of anti-social behavior. I don't care if your religion tell you not to eat shellfish or get an abortion or have your body put up on a pillar to eaten by vultures when you die, but as soon as your beliefs start to impinge on others, whether through denying blood transfusions to children too young to make a properly informed decision or harrassing people entering Red Lobster (or Planned Parenthood) or banning books from libraries because they contain words or ideas that offend your religious sensibilities or burning "witches" --your right to religious tolerance ends.

Do you think Al-Quaida would be able to recruit people to blow themselves up for purely secular reasons? Would society have put up with an organization that protected serial child-rapists if that organization had been a network of peewee hockey leagues instead of the Catholic Church? Why is it that celebrity pastor Rick Warren's megachurch doesn't have to pay taxes whether it makes a profit or not, but the Red Cross or Doctors Without Borders must prove they aren't turning a profit in order to keep their tax-free status?

Some would argue that religious organizations of whatever denomination or affliation offer spiritual and emotional comfort to people in their lives, but, I would argue, so do distilleries, movie theaters, brothel and the Grateful Dead. Why should churches get a tax break?

If some guy in the park tell you he gets radio messages in his head from the 23rd dimension or that he hears the voice of Nicolai Tesla or Napoleon in his head telling him to do things, or that he can give people he doesn't like cancer just by thinking about it or put a curse on you, you rightly assume that he is probably schizophrenic or suffering from some other form of mental illness. But George Bush, the Pope and Pat Robertson - and thousands, if not millions, of others - all claim to that god has spoken to them and that He has answered their prayers or guided their actions or cured someone's illness at their request and they are respected, even lauded, for their faith and piety.

It is enough to make one question our societal commitment to science and reason.

"One man's theology is another man's belly laugh"
-Robert Heinlein

Still, it is reassuring to see that some people have their priorities in order. What a fiend we have in Jesus!

Play it again, comrade

Michael Moriarity, while a decent actor, is well known to be a bit squirrelly. He has apparently stopped taking his medication or something and gone full-on, bull-goose, don't-make-eye-contact-as-you-back-away-from-him looney. Here, he has an extended conversation with the voices in his head about why "Casablanca" is communist propaganda and how this explains why the United States is now a communist workers republic.
No, really, he says that and more, oh so much more.

The day the music died

The other guitar player is Lee Atwater, and no, this is not photoshopped. I remember thinking the night I saw the two of them playing together on Letterman, "okay, either the counter-culture is officially dead or someone put acid in this beer."

How to make enemies

I'm guessing the debate this billboard stimulated among working mothers was whether to burn the billboard down first or to leave it until after they had tarred and feathered the idiot who thought putting it up was a good idea.

Why have a Parliament anyways?

Roy MacGregor, while largely acknowledging that Stephen Harper seem to have little but contempt for Parliament, insists that no one but Parliament Hill reporters and opposition MPs much cares about prorogation, which is hard to pronounce and just plain boooooring. Few people care about what Parliament does at the best of times, opines MacGregor, Canadians have "tuned out."

Gee, Roy, should we even bother with having a Parliament? Tell us, is it good for anything?

"What, one panel asked the other night, if there was "a national emergency"? Well, depending on what that may entail - a big snowfall in Toronto? Denmark invading Hans Island? - presumably they would get back to work and do whatever might be necessary.
An argument can be made, on the other hand, that this country runs quite smoothly when Parliament is not in session. Rare indeed is the Canadian political crisis that comes along in summer or over the long Christmas break - or, for that matter, during prorogations.
It can even be suggested that the country runs best under a prime minister who treats it as a part-time job."

"A national emergency in Canada? That's unpossible!"

Yeah, forget that Canada has almost 9% unemployment, that the economy is in dire shape, that we are mired in a pointless war halfway around the world with no end in sight or that the government ordered our military to hand over prisoners to be beaten and tortured - especially that last part. No one cares but a bunch reporters and nerds on the internet!

Besides, burning stick soon come!

MacGregor should stick to what he's good at-- writing about hockey--and leave the political commentary to people that understand that democracy is not a just a minor inconvenience that takes up valuable space in the newspaper that could be used for sports stories.

The Lost Supper

Normally, I'm not one to promote network television shows, but this made me laugh and I like the show -- despite its faults, its still one of the best written things on television.

going prorogue

Sweet pirouetting ghost of Pierre Elliot Trudeau, I take a few days off to go soak in a hot spring and you people let that baby-eating fathead decide parliamentary democracy is a mere inconvenience he'd rather just do without? "L'etat c'est moi," eh Steverino? I'm with Alison, what Rick said, that goes double for me. You don't suppose Mercer would like to take over Ignatieff's job, do you?

thanks to Pale over at A Creative Revolution for the spiffy graphic

Just resting

Rumours about the death of my industry have been greatly only slightly exaggerated.

...And now for something completely predictable, starring John Cleese as the internet, Eric Idle as 24 hour cable news and the scrappy John Young as Journalism!

New Year Uke blogging

I actually posted a link to a recording of this song a few years ago when I was being pilloried for using a word that women really, really don't like. Stolen from the Skipper over at the Galloping Beaver who got it from the Divine Ms. Z.



Blogging will be non-exisitant for a few days as I soak my cares away at a mountain onsen hot springs resort over the new year's holidaze. Talk amongst yourselves until I get back, smoke'em if you got'em.

Update:Video fixed!

Journamalism tips

When trying to get someone's name after you've gotten a comment or taken their picture, beware of people who just spell out their last name first, or start throwing initials around, otherwise you could end up making a really embarrassing mistake like this poor bastard at a Fargo N.D. newspaper did. As one of my coworkers often points out: "You need a dirty mind to publish a clean paper."

Apparently Mr. Jablomi gets around.