"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Friday, May 11, 2012

The vilest thing I've seen in a long time

Dear human race,
I am very, very disappointed in you.
Sincerely,
Rev.Paperboy


P.S. Is it something in the water in parts of the country? Does repeated exposure to loud bangs cause some kind of subtle brain damage? Is it blood poisoning from sucking on lead bullets? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you people?

Just knowing that someone was sick enough to make this shooting range target make me furious.


Knowing that they were sold out of them in two days makes me wonder if the Chinese communists weren't on to something with their idea of re-education camps, because until these kind of people learn the error of their ways or are sent away somewhere, Western society is completely screwed.


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Reading list update

An update on my Read 50 Books This Year project:


17. Another Day Another Dungeon by Greg Constikyan
A lighthearted comic fantasy novel that reads like a session of Dungeons and Dragons among a reasonably intelligent group of friends with decent senses of humour. Not as over the top as Robert Aspirin's now-nearly-unreadable MYTH series, but not exactly canonical either. You can judge this one by the cover. Moderately entertaining, but I won't be searching the used bookstore for the rest of the series.


18. The Essential Ellison by Harlan Ellison
This 1000+ page tome is the main reason its been so long since I posted an update to this list as it took me a while to plow through. A collection of some of Ellison's best short stories, novellas and essays from the 50's through to the early 90's. This covers the first 35 years of his career, and I'd love to get hold of the updated version that includes the 90's and early 2000's. Say what you want about Harlan Ellison's curmudgeonliness and ego, the mofo can write circles around most of us hacks. Endlessly inventive, horrifying and captivating.


19.Watch Your Back! by Donald E. Westlake
Another day, another Dortmunder comic caper novel. I love these, but they are like eating potato chips - you can't stop until there is no more.



20. Selected Stories of Philip K. Dick
Another grandmaster of science fiction, best know for his paranoia and dark, dystopian view of the future. Another guy who can write circles around us all. Highly recommended.

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Tuesday, May 08, 2012

A proud day


Not only did I start a new job today as copy editor for a national newspaper chain (that's right Canada: I M IN UR PAYPUR EDITIN UR NOOZE) but my son, 12,  greeted me when I came home with the news that he is going into the family business. He is getting a paper route.

And yes, he knows about my internet handle. He also knows my professional history, from delivering the Sault Star as a boy to writing the high school pages and then covering Rotary Club meetings when I was 16 in Hamilton, the grind on the weeklies in across Southern Ontario (Ingersoll, Caledonia, Port Dover, Listowel, Napanee, Picton and Stoney Creek) and the big money jobs for great metropolitan newspapers in Tokyo and elsewhere.

This makes him the fourth generation of our clan to bring you your daily newspaper. My grandfather briefly drove a newspaper delivery truck and my father was a paperboy for several years.

As the blues song says "They call me the paperboy, because I can deliver"

That song hasn't been recorded yet, so enjoy this song, by another Paperboy:



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Saturday, May 05, 2012

Harmonica Players Suck (Except When They Blow)



Free 28-page guide to blowing (and sucking) your brains out.
Make music (or a reasonable facsimile thereof)!
Amaze your friends!
Confound your enemies!
Annoy the hell out of your roommates and neighbours!

Click here and print the document and learn to play the Rev. Paperboy way!

(When printing, print out the first seven pages, flip them and then print out the last 7. The page labelled "8" is actually the inside cover)


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Friday, May 04, 2012

Ford threatens to (b)eat reporter


As comical as I find the latest shenanigan involving duh Mayor of Toronto, the underlying story that Star reporter Daniel Dale was researching when he was mugged by duh Mayor (what else would you call it when some bellowing thug runs up to you in a public park, threatens to punch you and demands you hand over your cell phone?) is one worthy of a closer look in that it says so much about Rob Ford's outlook on life.
In a nutshell, duh Mayor wants to buy a piece of public parkland adjacent to his house, claiming he wants it so that his kids have more room to play.
Heaven forfend that duh Mayor's kids should have to rub elbows with the other kids in the neighbourhood by playing in a public park. Buying the scrap of land in front of the community centre will mean more room for the the Ford children to play, but it will also mean less room for all the other kids in the neighbourhood to play in the public park.

How very Ford Nation of the duh Mayor.
Maybe he can have the local buses cancelled so that his kid's street hockey games aren't disturbed, too.

As an aside, I'm a bit surprised at the lack of quick thinking on the part of Star reporter Daniel Dale. Rob Ford is literally twice Dale's size and had it come to fisticuffs, Dale could have been in considerable trouble, but I strongly suspect he could have just run laps around the park until duh Mayor collapsed breathless. Well, okay half a lap.
To shriek "please don't eat hit me" and surrender the tools of the trade at the cocking of a fist the way he did makes us all look bad. Daniel, if you had just taken the punch like a real old-time newspaperman, not only would you never be allowed to buy another drink in downtown Toronto, but the cops would have been forced to arrest Rob Ford and you'd probably own that nice house of his and the adjacent parkland by the end of the year.
At the very least, I hope this incident has convinced Dale of the merits of keeping a can of bear repellant in the old reporter's kit bag, right next to the first aid kit and the extra batteries.


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"How can you run when you know?"

13 seconds, 67 bullets fired, four killed, one paralyzed for life, eight others wounded. RIP Jeffrey Glenn Miller, Allison B. Krause, William Knox Schroeder and Sandra Lee Scheuer It ain't over until it is over.


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Thursday, May 03, 2012

'this machine surrounds hate and forces it to surrender"

Happy 93rd birthday Pete Seeger! Would somebody give this guy a Nobel prize already?



(btw, this has been the wallpaper on my computer desktop for about the last six months)



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Monday, April 23, 2012

One of my biggest heroes

Get comfortable and open your ears real wide and listen to one of my favourite people anywhere, anytime. The film doesn't begin to capture Seeger's enormous personal charisma. He has a power over crowds that his hard to explain. Thank FSM he's on our side.
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Friday, April 20, 2012

who would you call on in a crisis?

After considerable discussion with Mrs. Rev.Paperboy we have come to the conclusion that in the event of a major crisis, if we had to pick five people to stand with and count on absolutely, no matter the circumstances - be it civil unrest, natural disaster or some kind of court-appointed disaster, the five people we would want at our side would be my parents, her parents and depending on circumstances Dave and/or a really good lawyer.
Character and experience will tell in a crisis, and we already know how some of these people will behave, except maybe the hypothetical lawyer.



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Thursday, April 19, 2012

We hardly knew ye...

After a long struggle, the inevitable obituary for an old friend and trusted companion.
Our thoughts are with the family.


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Why Clark, without your glasses you look just like...


Jesus Jimmy, don't you ever frickin' knock?

Why, he's just a mild-mannered reporter (formerly) with a great metropolitan newspaper!


This blog, along with everything else in my life, will be going through some changes in the coming weeks. No, it isn't anything traumatic, it is just a change in employment status and a general need to update this particular chunk of cyberspace.
For starters, due to the people at Google being shirty about people posing as "real" clergymen, I'm unable to use Rev.Paperboy as the name in my google profile anymore, so I'll  be working without the collar, mask and cape for the foreseeable future, which means you get to know my really, real, honest to goodness, actual name. Try not to abuse that privilege, otherwise various superpowers will have to be brought into play ( Up up and away, Hulk Smash!, Let's go commandoes it's howling' time, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry, Avenger Assemble, it's clobbering' time, go ahead make my day, Shazam! etc etc.).
I'll be weeding the blogroll in the coming days to remove dead links and the like, so if you think you should be on the blogroll, send me a link and we'll see.

Stay tuned!



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This conservative is NOT illiterate!


he can prove that, despite being cousins, his parents were married, damn it!


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Monday, April 16, 2012

When we start our own country, this will be our national anthem



THE BULL

Words & Music: Jake Thackray

On my farm, the bull is the king of the yard;
He's big and bad and fast, he's strong he's . . . hard.
All my other animals would readily concur
That he is the one you salute, he's the one you call "Sir".
But my hens, a noisy, flighty flock -
Led, of course by my unsubmissive cock -
Whenever His Majesty the bull importantly goes by
They dance along behind him and they cry:
"Beware of the bull!"

The bull, the bull is the biggest of all.
He is the boss, he is, because he's big and we are small.
But the bigger the bull, bigger the bull, bigger the balls.
The bigger the bull, the bigger and quicker and thicker the bullshite falls.

Beware of the bull! The dancing cock is right:
Beware of whoever looks down upon you from a height.
Beware of His Honour, His Excellence, His Grace, His Worshipful,
Beware of His Highness, because of the bull.
For if the boss, the chief, the chap at the top
Should let a single lump of claptrap drop,
The greater the weight and the height he is, the harder it will go
With a grander splat! on the bleeders below.
Beware of the bull!

The bull, the bull is the biggest of all.
He is the boss, he is, because he's big and we are small.
But the bigger the bull, bigger the bull, bigger the balls.
The bigger the bull, the bigger and quicker and thicker the bullshite falls.

The hero arrives, we hoist him shoulder-high.
He's good and wise and strong, he's brave, he's . . . shy.
And how we have to plead with him, how bashfully he climbs
Up the steps to the microphone - two at a time.
Then down it comes: slick, slithery pat!
If you must put people on pedestals, wear a big hat.
The tongue he's got is pure gold, the breast is pure brass,
The feet are pure clay - and watch out for the arse.
Beware of the bull!

The bull, the bull is the biggest of all.
He is the boss, he is, because he's big and we are small.
But the bigger the bull, bigger the bull, bigger the balls.
The bigger the bull, the bigger and quicker and thicker the bullshite falls.

At long last, the revolution comes
And in no time at all we're erecting podiums.
Comrades with chests of medals by the balcony-full;
After the Red Flag, the galloping bull.
The Saviour came especially from on high
To face up to the punters eye-to-eye.
No sooner is he dead and gone, there's blessed pulpits-full;
Bestride the holy lamb, behold the bull.
Beware of the bull!

The bull, the bull is the biggest of all.
He is the boss, he is, because he's big and we are small.
But the bigger the bull, bigger the bull, bigger the balls.
The bigger the bull, the bigger and quicker and thicker the bullshite falls.

These well-known men, so over-glorified -
There's one of them here his name's on the poster outside -
And he's up here like this, and you are all down there.
Remember his cock and his bull and mutter: "Beware!"
For when they've done, we clap, we cheer, we roar:
"For he is a jolly good fellow! Encore! More, more!"
How glorious it would be if before these buggers began
We all stood up together and solemnly sang:
"Beware of the bull!"

The bull, the bull is the biggest of all.
He is the boss, he is, because he's big and we are small.
But the bigger the bull, bigger the bull, bigger the balls.
The bigger the bull, the bigger and quicker
And the bigger and quicker and thicker
And the bigger and quicker and thicker and slicker the bullshite falls.






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Thursday, April 12, 2012

So this happened...

It was a matter of time really, but my latest temporary job has run it's course and I am once again seeking employment. I was hired on a simple letter of employment for eight months as a copy editor and that was ten months ago, so I suppose I can't really complain.
But, I will, just for a moment.
Ah, what a joy to know that one is at the cutting edge of corporate cost-cutting human resources policy. The paper will be the poorer for it, and all my former colleagues will have to work that much harder to fill the staffing gap, but the shareholders will see a .001% increase in their dividend this quarter.
For a few weeks there, I almost felt like I had a secure future.
In the same way that I cannot imagine anyone of my parents' early boomer generation being 45 and facing the prospect of never again having a full-time, permanent staff type of job with benefits and a company pension, I am equally certain they cannot fathom how this is, unfortunately, pretty much the norm for my generation.
We can bitch about the Harper government's decision to defer the old age pension until 67 years of age, but the reality is that many of my peers will never have the financial resources to retire in the first place, no matter what the CPC rate is.
And before anyone starts commenting that I should have saved and put it away in an RRSP when times were good, let me ask, when was that? I put away plenty in my 20s and 30s, despite working at near minimum wage levels in the community newspaper industry in my 20s, but the market crash of 2008 took a major chunk of that - and it wasn't like I had plowed all my money into unicorn futures or anything like that. Just your bog-standard mutual funds and blue chips. It isn't all gone, but I would have made a lot more if I had just bought Krugerrands and buried them in the yard. As it stands, with compound interest and some creative investing twenty years from now I may get back nearly as much as I put in.
So my 'retirement' plan has now gone from "dying while I can still afford the high quality dog food" to "hoping not to have to sell a kidney to pay the rent before I'm 60."

And that is all the whining I'm going to do. I have some prospects in my field, all temporary contracts, naturally, but this is business we have chosen.

http://www.wikio.com

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

All you need to know...

It is said that all the philosophy one needs to live right can be found in a single source. Traditionalists choose the Koran or the Bible or the Talmud. Others rely on books ranging from Lord of the Rings to Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas to Atlas Shrugged. More modern folk choose movies or Television - the Godfather, Star Trek, Star Wars, even Highlander all have their cults.
But for true thinking - All you need to know you can learn from Rio Bravo.  



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Sunday, April 08, 2012

What could possibly go wrong?

In the wake of the Trevyon Martin shooting, this is quite likely the last thing that needs to happen:


Neo-Nazis patrolling Florida town where Trayvon Martin was killed


Yes, that's what everyone thinks of when they think of group named after the Nazis, that they are a civil rights organization. Frankly, I almost hope some retired Jewish veteran sees these knuckle draggers waving a swastika and open fires on them, citing the stand your ground laws as justification. They would certainly have a better case for doing so than George Zimmerman did for killing Treyvon Martin.


But remember the NRA says that guns make us all safer. And by "Us" I can only assume they mean terrified bigoted cracker morons with more ammunition than brains. Especially in America's "post racial society" where shit like this keeps on happening.



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Blog against Theocracy weekend

Rather than rage against the fundementalists that seek to impose the narrow-minded rules of their various faiths upon us, I'd like to take a positive approach to the Blog Against Theocracy weekend and express my admiration for the Bluewater District School Board for doing the sensible thing and ensuring that public schools stay secular.
As the link shows, they have taken all kinds of abuse from those who seek to impose their religious faith on others, so I think it is important to that we let them know they have the support of the majority out there that don't want religion in the public school system
I even wrote them a letter and urge you to do likewise.

Dear board members,

I am writing to commend you on our decision to ban non-instructional religious materials from the schools in the Bluewater district. Favouring or merely appearing to favour one religion over another has absolutely no place in the public school system.
Please do not be swayed by those who accuse you of "political correctness"  for choosing not to ride roughshod over both the spirit of our Constitution and the feelings of non-Christians. Those who claim this decision somehow erodes "Canadian heritage" or feel free to rage against immigrants are simply demonstrating their ignorance and narrow-minded bigotry. One can only imagine their reaction if a group of dedicated Muslims wanted to give a copy of the Koran to every grade 5 student or a group of Buddhists wanted to come in and teach students how to meditate.
Let those who feel it is important for their children to receive religious instruction send their children to any of the many private or publicly-funded religious schools. Religious instruction is not the responsibility of the public school system and it is vital that public schools remain strictly secular.
I applaud you for your fairmindedness, consideration, sensitivity and courage. The moral strength you have demonstrated in this matter sets an admirable example for the students in the Bluewater District and I hope other boards follow your example.
 
You can reach the Bluewater District Board of Education at:
P.O. Box 190
351 1st Avenue North
Chesley, Ontario N0G 1L0

 

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/30 Mike Wallace

If ever there was a phrase that struck fear into the corrupt politician, the dishonest businessman or the professional con-man, it was "Mike Wallace is out front with a camera crew and he wants to speak with you."
Wallace was an inspiration to reporters everywhere and proved that TV could do real journalism.


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Saturday, April 07, 2012

Shooting down another trial ballon

 Kitchener MP Stephen Woodworth's attempt to reopen the abortion debate (not exactly as pictured above) will not end well for anyone.

I dislike writing about abortion for a number of reasons.

No matter what I write, someone is going to be furiously calling me a baby killer or a misogynst. There was a time when I would have been called both.

It is a commonly held idea in journalism that if both sides are mad at you, you must be doing something right. It is an idea commonly held by people in my field who favour glib centerism, false dichotomies and nonsensically balancing arguments in a "he said vs she said" manner for the sake of false objectivity.

Those are the same people who bring us stories along the lines of: "People have agreed for centuries that the Earth is round, but local street person Mr. Angry McTrafficyeller says he had a dream that Earth is shaped like a giant burrito. Who's right? The answer is unclear." They are a plague upon the profession. Having both sides mad at you might mean you've wisely taken the middle ground between two equally repellant extremes, but it might also suggest that both sides are mad at you because you are an idiot who is either unwilling or unable to judge the merits of the evidence presented or principles espoused and make a decision. 

On the issue of abortion, there are two very clear sides taking absolutist positions. To the so-called pro-life side, life begins at conception and any abortion is murder. On the pro-choice side, any attempt to interfere with a woman's control over her own body is a form of enslavement.

With courts in the U.S. and Canada striking down the outright ban on abortion, pro-life right-wingers are increasingly seeking to impose as many humiliating conditions as possible on the pregnant woman and her doctor in an effort to make abortions virtually impossible to obtain.

The pro-life campaign has seen doctors performing abortions driven out of many jurisdictions by a combination of local legal barriers and intimidation tactics ranging from clinic protests intended to harass staff to bombings and assassinations.Women seeking abortions have had to overcome barriers in some jurisdictions ranging from efforts to mislead with fake counselling centres to bans on insurance funding  to waiting periods and lately, even mandatory ultrasounds.

And by mandatory ultrasounds, we are not talking about the doctor smearing conducting gel on the woman's belly and running a probe over it -- we are talking about doctors being required by law, on pain of losing their licence to practice medicine, to insert an electronic device into a woman's vagina and show her a "picture" of the fetus. The woman is required to submit to this gross violation, which some have called state-mandated rape. The law says she must look at the display screen - before an abortion can be performed, no matter what the circumstances, even if the procedure is in response to a rape or needed to save her life.

On the pro-choice side, many are fighting to ensure access for all in the face of the sustained anti-abortion onslaught. Most of the more extreme legal barriers described above involve antiabortion campaigns in the U.S. but Canada has hardly been immune. There are demonstrations and bombings and even assassinations. There are no doctors performing abortions in Prince Edward Island and the Wild Rose Party is promising to defund abortions in Alberta.

As my esteemed colleague Dr. Dawg has put it, there are can be nuances in the abortion debate - things like the role of public funding in a private health care system and parental notification for underage girls come to mind - , but there are no grey areas in a woman's right to choose. Not to get all philosophical on you dear reader, but She either has it or She doesn't, and I defy you to prove any human does not have the right to make a choice, even, or perhaps especially, if the choice is between life and death.

Forget about abortion for a moment and consider the principle of choice more generally. We may not have a legal right to choose what we choose, whether it is the choice to drive over the speed limit, smoke marijuana or machine-gun a bus load of nuns, but we can make a choice to break the law. Some people make a choice to give up their own lives to save others (we call them heroes), others make the choice to defy or obey the law for all sorts of reasons.

We know that women will make a choice about abortion whether the law allows it or not. When it comes to abortion,  other than providing an iron-clad absolute legal recognition of this right to make a choice (and thereby rendering the consequences of the choice legally valid), the only possible role any law can take is to restrict the innate right of choice.

In the case of abortion, we know that choice will be made - one way or another - by women every day. So to recognize reality and mitigate possible harm and generally promote the common good, I would argue that the progressive position should be that the state must support the right to choose -- and recognize that it is an absolute right. 


Simply put if you have a moral objection to abortion - and I recognize that many do - then by all means don't have an abortion. That is your choice.


Now, to get all inside-blogger on you gentle reader, there is a battle royale raging through Twitter and the Canadian progressive blogosphere concerning a possible boycott of Prog Blogs by the bloggers at  Dammitt Janet and others.

They are upset about posts by a few member blogs to the effect that they were okay with Stephen Woodworth, the conservative MP for Kitchener, reopening the abortion debate in Canada by prompting a Parliamentary discussion on the legal personhood of fetuses -a more fulsome description of which can be found here.

I have some sympathy for the bloggers who set off the fury with their posts about 'discussion' - clearly they didn't realize the minefield they were stepping into. I disagree with  what was said over at Canadian Soapbox, but I have some sympathy for the blogger who thought he was being reasonable in favouring discussion.

He, and many others, were shocked and offended by the angry tone taken by Fern Hill. I think they were surprised at the vehemence with which she made here case and the abrasive tone she took, when they felt they fundamentally agree with her position. Having interacted with Fern Hill many times in the past, I will stipulate that she is definitely both vehement and abrasive and can seem to be very thin-skinned with a hair-trigger. (These are things I like about her, but more about that shortly)

I'm sure more than a few people felt Fern Hill and her supporters were overreacting and going after what looked like minuscule molehill-sized differences in approach between allies with a gigantic mountain-cracker thermonuclear shithammer. I mean, after all, abortion is legal. We all agree it should be legal. This is a settled matter, right?

And that is exactly the point. Why open a settled matter - one that was settled one agonizing step out of the Dark Ages at a time? Who does it possibly serve to discuss whether water is wet or the sky is blue or women have the right to make a choice? In the words of Billy Crystal: Why don't you just give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? Yes, by all means let us discuss whether women can make choices, let us go tap dancing through that mine field!

No, Fern Hill's response - instantaneous angry indignation - to having supposed allies mention that they are open to discussing giving up her rights is pretty much pitch perfect and to be respected. 


To lift the vocabulary of the other side, eternal vigilance is the price of freedom and extremism in the defence of liberty is no sin and all that jazz,  because there is a slippery slope, this is the thin end of the wedge. By agreeing to any related discussion, we cede the notion that a woman right to choice is a settled matter.

There are people out there who want Woodworth discussion to go ahead because for them it is the first step in a long game. It gives them a chance to reframe the debate. If we are going to discuss legal personhood of the unborn today, tomorrow we are going to be talking about putting women in prison for murder for killing unborn persons.

This is something that people need to be thin-skinned about, something that deserves a hair-trigger, massive response. It is only way to keep the forces of oppression from gaining a foothold.

And as much as I hate the notion of infighting at a time when progressives need to be united in the face of the never-ending conservative campaign, if it takes a boycott of Prog Blogs to make people understand that, well, so be it.

On a related and much more darkly humorous note, Kari Anne Roy nails it in McSweeny's with "An Open Letter to the Tiny White Man the Republican Party has Sent to Live in My Underpants"




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Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Conservatives push Rights and Democracy over the side

The Conservatives have decided to scrap Rights and Democracy. That would be the International Centre for Human Rights and Democratic Development, though I have no doubt they plan to continue to attack the abstract concepts, too.
The linked story contains what has to be the understatement of the week, even if it is only Tuesday:

The federally appointed body, which promotes human rights and democracy around the world, has suffered from internal dissension since the Conservative government appointed new board members who disagree with old members about issues in the Middle East. 

That would be this institution, the one where the new appointees hounded the then president to an early grave to cover their own mismanagement.
Dawg has an embarrassment of riches on the subject, having been all over the file from day one like lobbyists on a cabinet minister. 



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