"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Many have tried over the years to craft the perfect response to the stunned cunts who complain about bad language and incivil invective on the interweb tubes. This magnificent bastard has at last succeeded.

I hate offended people. They come in two flavours - huffy and whiny - and
it's hard to know which is worst. The huffy ones are self-important,narcissistic authoritarians in love with the sound of their own booming disapproval, while the whiny, sparrowlike ones are so annoying and sickly and ill-equipped for life on Earth you just want to smack them round the head until they stop crying and grow up. Combined, they're the very worst people on the planet - 20 times worse than child molesters, and I say that not because it's true (it isn't), but because it'll upset them unnecessarily, and these readers deserve to be upset unnecessarily, morning, noon and night, every sodding day, for the rest of their wheedling lives.

I nominate him for spiritual leader of the month

Monday, September 17, 2007

A bloggy night in Tokyo town
Hola amigos, it's been a while since I rapped at ya, but I've been busier than Rick Allen trying to play Moby Dick (My search for a Def Leppard link turned up this, don't go there unless you feel you deserve to be punished. I don't know who these guys are, which is a good thing, since if I did I would feel morally obligated to hunt them down and kill them in the most painful way available for high crimes against music. And I don't even like Def Leppard)
Anywhoo, Dave over at Jim Dandy Goodness went and said all these nice things about me and so I figured I owed my loyal readership, all nine of you, an explanation. First, its summer and I live in Tokyo. It is now 2 a.m. in mid September and it is still 33 degrees outside - in other words, it is too hot to do anything strenuous like type. Second, I've had the flu for the last week and anything that has gone into my body has exited through one orifice or another at speed and usually from the orifice least appropriate or comfortable at the time. Despite what you've seen on the right-wing blogs, it is tough to blog from the toilet. Third, the typhoon ate my blog post, honest.
It takes a circulation of millions to hold us back
Fourth, and this is the important one and constitutes an announcement of sorts I suppose, the powers that be down at the ministry of truth have decided to crack down on non-work related use of the intertubes. It seems that some doofus has been editing Wikipedia pages from the office, thus leaving the company's IP fingerprints all over his work. My guess is some knob bucking for a promotion has been inserting "alleged" in front of all references to the Nanjing Massacre and the comfort women or some such stupidity and the company has decided to go after the ant sized affront to their dignity and reputation with atomic weapons. Thus, all non-work related computer use is banned, even in non-working hours. So, sadly, no more lunch time blogging for this ink-stained wretch.
In related news, they also appear to be about to get shirty over copyright violations, which means that all my bylined stuff I've archived here for your edification and my reference,( since there is no free online archive of past material at the paper and I'll be damned if I'm going to pay to look up my own work) will soon be removed from this site.
Not that there will be much more bylined stuff to look up anyways -- recent changes at the paper have meant that the CD column has been dropped and the big boss man is pushing for more translations and wire copy in the incredible shrinking shifting feature pages and less original material from the likes of yours truly.
A shame really, as I don't think my posting here of things I wrote for the paper really impinges on their bottom line, in fact I think it is more in the line of free advertising. I think I have a moral right to the use of my own work in this limited way, but moral and legal are two different things in this, and so many other cases. I may think I'm creating journalism and art and literature, but as far the the legal beagles are concerned I might as well be stamping out widgets with "intellectual property" stamped on the side on the assembly line and all widgets are property of The Man. So I may not produce too many more for him. So it goes.
Sick of reading? Blame Dave!
He's the one who said I covered politics, and so let me tug on your coat about a couple of things that are ticking me off that either would have been covered in more detail had I had more time earlier (Jesus, that sounds like the Goldberg variation)
A victory for historical revisionism: How the hell am I supposed to bitch and complain about the historical revisionism of the Yasukuni Shrine whackos who still claim Nanjing was a big misunderstanding and the so-called comfort women were all volunteers when a museum in my own country caves in to a few veterans who don't want to admit that what they did in the war might have been anything less than the apex of human moral perfection? If you don't think Bomber Harris and Curtis LeMay would have been in dock for war crimes if the Allies had lost the war, think again. Just because we were the good guys doesn't mean we didn't do bad things. The important thing is to admit they were bad and not do them again, not pretend they were good and keep doing them.
The law is the law: And the law says you can wear whatever you want- veils, kilts, turbans, you name it - to vote as long as you carry ID, so can we please stop with the ignorant bullshit? I'm looking at you Lukiwski!
Power to the people! Not having lived in Canada for ten years, I don't feel I should get a vote, but I would urge all of you in Ontario to go out and vote in the referendum on changing the electoral system. Proportional representation is used all over the world with the exception of the United Kingdom, where becoming a member of the upper chamber is by aristocratic birth or political patronage appointment, and the United State, where the two party system went to die a slow horrible death from gluttony, patronage and corruption. The system works in Japan, New Zealand and Australia without any problem -- it could work in Ontario. Personally, I'd like to see it replace the current Canadian Senate.
Yes, it would mean the dingbat parties such as Christian Heritage would get a seat or two in the legislature. Once. After the harsh light of reality and public attention shines upon their dumbassery, the number of sensible people turning out to vote to make sure it never happens again will increase exponentially.
Yes, it would mean that voters in small towns far away from Toronto would have a slightly larger voice than the masses in the Golden Horseshoe. I don't see that as a bad thing. Ontario is a huge place - there are many rooms in the mansion- filled with multitudes of people in diverse communties each with a unique point of view united by their loathing of those arrogant bastards in Toronto. A little electoral smackdown for the 416-905 gang might be a good thing.

Anyway, in the words of Marty DiBergi, enough of my yakking. I promise to blog more soon, really.