"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Remember to forget
The on-going battle to keep the media monoliths from screwing with fair use in copyright and extending their ownership of creative work to include just about everything made me think of this great short story by Spider Robinson, which naturally is protected by a Creative Commons copyright.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Headlines we are inordinately proud of - Part 73

Today's Daily Yomiuri - I didn't edit this one, but I did suggest the headline

SDF ready for Godzilla, but not for aliens

and the day before, I insisted on:

Supreme Court rules 'Shane' copyright won't come back

Thank you, thank you -- we'll be here all week, tip your waitress. Try the veal.

Hello U.N.? I'd like to report a crime against humanity

The horror, the horror.

From the article:

Among the dishes, Manaka especially recommends akaza shrimp and foie gras cooked in savoy cabbage and served in sauce americaine as well as char-grilled Iberico pork shoulder served with Madeira wine sauce. They will be served with Glenlivet Nadurra and 18-year-old whisky, respectively. "We recommend that you enjoy Nadurra with just one rock and the 18-year-old straight or with a little water."

Ma Chambre also will serve a cocktail prepared with 12-year-old Glenlivet, orange juice and grenadine syrup as an appetizer for the 12,000 yen set menu.

Glenlivet master distiller Jim Cryle said what makes the whisky special is that it is an original malt that became the "benchmark" for whisky in the Speyside region of Scotland.

First of all what kind of lunatic serves whisky with a main course, especially French or Italian food. These culinary styles evolved along side the best wines in the world, why would you serve them with something like whisky that would numb the taste buds? Why would you do that? Why?

As to the gross blasphemy of the so called "cocktail" I'm absolutely speechless. Glenlivet is hardly the be all and end all of the whisky world, but I'd rather see good 12-year-old single malt scotch used to water the garden than see it insulted. How do you think the French chef would feel if some Scot decided that the perfect accompaniment for his haggis, neeps and tatties or deep-fried Mars bar was a nice late '80s to mid '90 Chateau Latour burgundy, mixed with Diet Sprite and a dash of triple sec. France would invade Glasgow and bomb Edinburgh back to the stone age in retaliation. And they'd be right.

Monday, December 17, 2007

No nailfiles, no liquids, no pulling of fingers
And lay off the chili and beer the day before a flight too. Holy unintended consquences Batman! If you think this woman was embarrassed when she cut the cheese in economy class, imagine how she feels now.

From the BBC:

Flatulence leads US jet to divert
An American Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Nashville after passengers reported the smell of sulphur from burning matches.
The matches were found on the seat of a woman who had attempted to conceal the odour of flatulence with the matches, Nashville airport authorities said.

We await the inevitable lawsuits.

And the winner is.....
Not me. But just the same, I'd like to thank the members of the academy, my producers, the writers, my parents, and of course a shout out to he who makes all things possible. And it really was an honor to be nominated. (scroll down, scroll waaaaaay down) Meanwhile, Me and my fellow ink-stained wretches led by heavy-hitter Cap'n Dave over at the Galloping Beaver came fourth. If only I haven't used the c-word back a few months ago, I'm sure we could have overtake the Canadian Cynic juggernaut. Congratulations to Lefty blog of the year POGGE and silver medalist April Reign. Just wait until next year!
Speaking of awards, the nominations are now open for the annual Canadian Blog Awards (hint, hint) and those of you who know your way around the Canadian blogosphere may smile at one of the early nominees for best humour blog.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Peace on Earth and goodwill toward men, except for you bastards in the back, you're lucky to be getting coal in your stocking

This being the season of brotherly love and peace on earth and all that, let me say to the Santa cynics and soldiers in the Christmas War out there, with all due respect, shut your festering fruitcakeholes!

First, lets get one thing straight -- There is no war on Christmas. No one cares if you want to to go to mass, put up a nativity scene or put little crucified Jesuses (Jesui?) on your tree, but the government can't play favorites when it comes to religious images. Christmas is not just a religious holiday and hasn't been since before Bing Crosby and Jimmy Stewart started making 'holiday movies'. If you think there needs to be a war to save Christmas, you are dumber than Jonn Gibson and Bill O'Rielly in a bag of hammers. To steal a line from John Lennon, fighting for Christmas is like fucking for virginity. Stop spoiling the holidays by inventing something for people to get pissed off about or you are getting coal in your stocking.

Second, there is too a Santa Claus, (the Marx Brothers bit notwithstanding). Don't give me any of your pet theories about how he was created by Coca-Cola or any of that malarky. If Santa didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

Santa exists.

He exists in all those people who give anonymous gifts to the food bank, in all those who put a up a tree and lights and try to make the world a little brighter, even if only for a few days. He exists in those people making the effort to bake treats for the potluck office party instead of picking up a box of timbits, in those people stand on the corner ringing bells in subzero weather to raise money to help people in need, and, indeed Virginia (and the rest of you doubters, in the hearts of little children everywhere.

As one of the blogosphere's most ambivilent agnostic fake clergymen, I'm not big on the notion of there being an all-powerful sky wizard or even a not-so-intelligent designer cum watchmaker in the clouds. I'm okay with the whole Jesus thing - he had some good words to say - I'm just not too keen on a lot of the shit done in his name. Christmas would be one major exception to that.

Christmas deserves to be celebrated just as much as Martin Luther King Day and even from a strictly secular point of view is unquestionably an Objectively Good Thing(TM - pat. pending). How can setting aside a day or a few days to spend with family, give gifts and be nice to each other be a bad thing? What's so funny about peace on earth and goodwill to men. Santa is a big part of that, as he is the embodiment of the secular side of Christmas.

I live in a non-Christian country that loves the secular side of Christmas. Most of the 30 or so kids and a least half the adults at the community Christmas party I attended wouldn't know who Jesus was if he walked across Tokyo Bay and started pushing loaves and fishes on them, but you can bet they knew who Santa was when he arrived.

If you have any doubt that unconditional love exists or that Santa lives in the hearts of small children, get yourself a red suit and cheesy fake beard and go hand out candy canes at a kindergarten some time. It is the most fun you can have doing anything and the most satisfying exeperiece you'll ever have with your clothes on.

Santa is the best and most successful international conspiracy ever, with millions of willing co-conspirators. Resistance is futile, even Scrooge got Santified. Leave the shortbreads and milk/beer/single malt scotch out near the tree on Christmas Eve, or suffer the consequences!

And these evil shits who sent hateful letters to innocent kids? They are going on the naughty list. If I had my way they'd be worked over with a stocking full of coal and tied to four reindeer heading for four different points on the compass. But Christmas is the season of forgiveness, so I guess I'd settle for JJ's suggestion of a peppering with high velocity dogshit.

I am Spartacus Santa Claus!