"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Thursday, August 07, 2008

My world no longer makes sense

Please understand that among the two-legged lifeforms that populate the Earth, there are few I loathe more than Paris Hilton. She is a cringe-inducing, spoiled, dim-witted, wealthy skank who is famous for being a vapid, skanky, shallow, spoiled, materialistic media-whore. And she's a total skank. And dumb as a Prada bag of Louis Vuitton platinum, diamond-crusted hammers. And not especially good looking, even her porn isn't hot. And in addition to giving me hives, her television show epitomizes Everything That is Wrong with the Western World. And did I mention she's a total skank?

Well, that was what I used to think. Then John McCain used her in an campaign ad to try to hint that Obama was a lightweight - and I suppose he wanted us to think Obama was as dumb and skanky as Paris Hilton, or at least as big a media whore or something. Naturally Obama supporters either sputtered and fumed about how unfair the comparision was or laughed at the idea that this was the best the Republicans could do. The Skank Princess' mommy came out of the Hilton palace to say that she didn't think it was very nice of McCain to compare her darling daughter to that no-talent skanky nutbar Brittany Spears and I figured that was that, on to the next round of brainless negative campaign ads as the McCain campaign continues to clutch at straws.

But then I saw something that shattered all my preconceptions.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

Now, I doubt she had a hand in writing the script for this. For all I know she didn't even pick out the shoes she's wearing and I still think Paris is a skank, but I'm not so sure about the dumber than a designer bag of overpriced hammers part anymore. This is actually pretty clever.

What next? Will they let someone on American Idol that isn't a douchebag sing a song that doesn't suck? Will Jerry Bruckheimer start producing a film version "The Cherry Orchard"? Will Stephen Dion kick the living crap out of Jason Kenny and Stephen Harper in the lobby of the House of Commons? Will the temperature dip below 30 degrees in Tokyo this month? I'm so confused.......