That's the most important lesson I've learned from the work of Spider Robinson, but its hardly the only one. For his Callahan's Bar stories alone, I owe the man - never mind all the excellent novels he's written and the great music he's turned me on to or his excellent podcast. He made me realize that punning was not a criminal offense and he introduced me to Bushmills (okay, so maybe he owes everyone who's ever met me an apology - but not me, I owe him BIG).
"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"
Friday, April 17, 2009
Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased
Monday, June 02, 2008
It was a rainy day...
Question: What do you get when you walk in the pouring rain with an umbrella next to a five-year-old girl with an umbrella who insists on holding your hand and reminding you that the goldfish found floating belly up in the tank that morning used to go "bubble, bubble, bubble!" but not no more."
Answer: A very wet sleeve, a very cold arm, a very warm heart and tendency to hum that Harry Nilsson tune to yourself all day.
"What's that...no, that's just some rain on my face. I know we're inside now, I just have an eyelash or something in my eye...look, just shut up okay?"
Mumble,mutter,muttersoullesscynicalbastardsmuttermutter
Sunday, May 27, 2007
the swift and terrible sword of justice
In Ohio, the sword of justice is certainly terrible -- swift, not so much.
LUCASVILLE, Ohio (AP) -- Death penalty opponents called on the state to halt executions after prison staff struggled to find suitable veins on a condemned man's arm to deliver the lethal chemicals.
The execution team stuck Christopher Newton at least 10 times with needles Thursday to insert the shunts where the chemicals are injected.
He died at 11:53 a.m., nearly two hours after the scheduled start of his execution at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility. The process typically takes about 20 minutes.
At least the condemned was a good sport about it:
But Newton, who had insisted on the death penalty as punishment and made no
attempt to appeal, chatted and laughed with prison staff throughout the delay.
It took so long that the staff paused to allow Newton a bathroom break.
I can see the Monty Python/SNL sketch already:
Executioner: Okay, are we ready? Doctor, have you found a vein?
Doctor: Yes
Executioner: Warden, can we go ahead?
Warden: Do your duty.
Convict: Duty? Duty? Wait a minute! Wait! I need to go to the toilet.
Executioner: Didn't you go before we left the cell?
Convict: I didn't need to go then!
Executioner: Well, can't you hold it for a few minutes? This won't take long.
Convict: No. I need to go now!
Executioner: (Sighs) Okay. Okay. Guard, unstrap him.
Convict: Thanks, I owe you one.
Executioner: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we just get on with this? I have to take my kid to soccer practice and I can't stay late tonight.
(Convict and guard shuffle out of death chamber, Executioner, warden, priest, doctor make uncomfortable small talk "how about those Mets, huh?" until convict and guard shuffle back in)
Executioner: Okay, ready? Can we do this now?
(convict is strapped in)
Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death. Padre, would you administer the last rights?
Priest: Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy....Uh, can we just pause there for a minute, I need to visit the uh...
Executioner: Oh, for the love of God -- fine! Just hurry it up will you? (to convict) Sorry about the delay, really.
Convict: 'Sallright
(more uncomfortable silence, guard starts to whistle aimlessly, some lively tune like Oasis' "Live Forever" or Queen's "Who wants to live forever" or even "Live and Let Die" until he notices others scowling at him. Priest returns.)
Priest: Sorry about that, just got caught short, I had a lot of coffee this morning
Executioner: Okay, are we ready now? Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death. Padre, would you administer the last rights?
Priest: Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit...
(Warden's cell phone rings, Executioner glares at him as it continues to ring. the Warden answers)
Warden: Oh, uh hello Governor...I'm fine, how are you?...really, I'm sorry to hear that. Have you seen anyone about it?..uh-huh...and the ointment is working, is it?...uh-huh...that's great!.....A 78, fantastic!...Uh-huh...uh-huh...no, not yet...okay...okay...right...Really! Gosh that is surprising...well, if that's the way you feel about it...I suppose it is for the best...Well, no, nobody likes to play God, I suppose....Yeah, I'll take care of it...Okay, thanks Governor, I understand... I'll talk to you later...right, okay...bye-bye.
(Warden puts phone back in pocket, resumes stance next to convict strapped to gurney. Executioner continues to stare at him)
Executioner: Well? (Everyone stares at Gov.)
Warden:What? Oh! The phone (laughs) yeah, it was the governor. He shot a 78 in the pro-am last week, can you believe it?
(They continue to stare)
Convict: AND?
Warden: Well, he's going on junket to Hawaii next week and he was thinking of having his hamster put down, since he won't be home to feed it, but I promised to take care of it for him.
Executioner: (sighs with relief and starts up again, very quickly) Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death.....
Saturday, May 05, 2007
%$#&''&!!!
It has been a beautiful week in Tokyo. Warm, sunny, clear skies - great weather all week. A month ago we booked a site for a barbecue today for our family and about 30 other people as it is the last day of the Golden Week holidays, which are sort of the Japanese version of spring break. We have to pay for the site and you can't cancel, so sure enough, I woke up to thunder this morning. When I looked out the window it was, to quote Ken Kesey, "like a cow pissing on a flat rock" -- So think of me doing my Gene Kelly while you're all warm and dry today.
Personally, I blame George Bush and Dick Cheney. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure its their fault.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Thursday, April 12, 2007
So it goes.
Kurt Vonnegut dead at 84
“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
-from "God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater"
Player Piano, 1951The Sirens of Titan, 1959Canary in a Cat House, 1961 (short works)Mother Night, 1961Cat's Cradle, 1963God Bless You, Mr Rosewater, 1965Welcome to the Monkey House, 1968 (short works)Slaughterhouse-Five, 1969Happy Birthday, Wanda June, 1971 (play)Between Time and Timbuktu, 1972 (TV script)Breakfast of Champions, 1973Wampeters, Foma & Granfalloons, 1974 (opinions)Slapstick, 1976Jailbird, 1979Palm Sunday: An Autobiographical Collage, 1981 (essays)Deadeye Dick, 1982Galapagos, 1985Bluebeard, 1987Hocus Pocus, 1990Fates Worse than Death: An Autobiographical Collage of the 1980s, 1991 (essays)Timequake, 1997A Man Without a Country, 2005 (essays)