"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Showing posts with label so it goes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label so it goes. Show all posts

Friday, April 17, 2009

Shared pain is lessened, shared joy is increased

That's the most important lesson I've learned from the work of Spider Robinson, but its hardly the only one. For his Callahan's Bar stories alone, I owe the man - never mind all the excellent novels he's written and the great music he's turned me on to or his excellent podcast. He made me realize that punning was not a criminal offense and he introduced me to Bushmills  (okay, so maybe he owes everyone who's ever met me an apology - but not me, I owe him BIG).

And so, I wanna tug on your coatsleeve for a minute.
First, for those of you not in the know, let me say that the man is a national treasure. As a writer, he's won most of the major awards they give out in science fiction and with good reason. He's also a regular writer for the Mop&Pail though they foolishly discontinued his regular column a few years back. We won't even get into the massive runaway thing that Callahan's has become on the internet. Suffice to say that at one point the Callahan's bulletin board forum was just about the biggest non-porn site there was back in the days of usenet. Furthermore, he's a natural storyteller and ten minutes listening to his podcast will make you wonder why the CBC hasn't signed this guy as the second coming of Peter Gzowski or at least a summer replacement for Stuart McLean. 
Second, let me say that his wife, Jeanne, is also a national treasure as one of the country's foremost choreographers and former modern dancers. She is currently engaged in bringing to life an idea that was the foundation of a trilogy of great science fiction novels Spider and Jeanne co-wrote called Stardance that won a hatful of awards. That idea is dancing in zero gravity and you can see the early experiments here and follow the project here.
So, Spider and Jeanne Robinson are some of my favorite people and their presence their alone is enough to make me consider moving to Bowen Island, BC, when we do move back to Canada.
 
Kumbayah, hugs and shots of Bushmills all 'round.

Now we get to the harder part. 
I learned last week from Spider's podcast that bad things happen to good people. Jeanne went into the hospital for what was supposed to be minor surgery a couple of months ago and it was discovered she had a very nasty case of cancer. She starts radiation treatments this week. Spider's been lucky enough to have her sisters fly in from the east coast to help care for her over the last month or so and apparently has lots of good friends and neighbors to help out too. But I suspect, no, I know, it isn't going to be easy for him to write the new series of books he just signed up to do or any other paying copy while his  mind is occupied with trying to help his wife and obviously Jeanne is going to be doing any work for awhile either. Unless someone is making a multimillion dollar movie of your novel, science fiction writing does not pay that well, no matter how good you are and their home is not called "Tottering on the Brink" for nothing. 
So if you could drop a few bucks in the hat for them, it would be very, very much appreciated.
 

Monday, June 02, 2008

It was a rainy day...
Question: What do you get when you walk in the pouring rain with an umbrella next to a five-year-old girl with an umbrella who insists on holding your hand and reminding you that the goldfish found floating belly up in the tank that morning used to go "bubble, bubble, bubble!" but not no more."
Answer: A very wet sleeve, a very cold arm, a very warm heart and tendency to hum that Harry Nilsson tune to yourself all day.



"What's that...no, that's just some rain on my face. I know we're inside now, I just have an eyelash or something in my eye...look, just shut up okay?"
Mumble,mutter,muttersoullesscynicalbastardsmuttermutter

Sunday, May 27, 2007

the swift and terrible sword of justice
In Ohio, the sword of justice is certainly terrible -- swift, not so much.

LUCASVILLE, Ohio (AP) -- Death penalty opponents called on the state to halt executions after prison staff struggled to find suitable veins on a condemned man's arm to deliver the lethal chemicals.
The execution team stuck Christopher Newton at least 10 times with needles Thursday to insert the shunts where the chemicals are injected.
He died at 11:53 a.m., nearly two hours after the scheduled start of his execution at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility. The process typically takes about 20 minutes.

At least the condemned was a good sport about it:

But Newton, who had insisted on the death penalty as punishment and made no
attempt to appeal, chatted and laughed with prison staff throughout the delay.
It took so long that the staff paused to allow Newton a bathroom break.

I can see the Monty Python/SNL sketch already:

Executioner: Okay, are we ready? Doctor, have you found a vein?

Doctor: Yes

Executioner: Warden, can we go ahead?

Warden: Do your duty.

Convict: Duty? Duty? Wait a minute! Wait! I need to go to the toilet.

Executioner: Didn't you go before we left the cell?

Convict: I didn't need to go then!

Executioner: Well, can't you hold it for a few minutes? This won't take long.

Convict: No. I need to go now!

Executioner: (Sighs) Okay. Okay. Guard, unstrap him.

Convict: Thanks, I owe you one.

Executioner: Yeah, yeah, whatever. Can we just get on with this? I have to take my kid to soccer practice and I can't stay late tonight.

(Convict and guard shuffle out of death chamber, Executioner, warden, priest, doctor make uncomfortable small talk "how about those Mets, huh?" until convict and guard shuffle back in)

Executioner: Okay, ready? Can we do this now?

(convict is strapped in)

Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death. Padre, would you administer the last rights?

Priest: Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy....Uh, can we just pause there for a minute, I need to visit the uh...

Executioner: Oh, for the love of God -- fine! Just hurry it up will you? (to convict) Sorry about the delay, really.

Convict: 'Sallright

(more uncomfortable silence, guard starts to whistle aimlessly, some lively tune like Oasis' "Live Forever" or Queen's "Who wants to live forever" or even "Live and Let Die" until he notices others scowling at him. Priest returns.)

Priest: Sorry about that, just got caught short, I had a lot of coffee this morning

Executioner: Okay, are we ready now? Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death. Padre, would you administer the last rights?

Priest: Through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit...

(Warden's cell phone rings, Executioner glares at him as it continues to ring. the Warden answers)

Warden: Oh, uh hello Governor...I'm fine, how are you?...really, I'm sorry to hear that. Have you seen anyone about it?..uh-huh...and the ointment is working, is it?...uh-huh...that's great!.....A 78, fantastic!...Uh-huh...uh-huh...no, not yet...okay...okay...right...Really! Gosh that is surprising...well, if that's the way you feel about it...I suppose it is for the best...Well, no, nobody likes to play God, I suppose....Yeah, I'll take care of it...Okay, thanks Governor, I understand... I'll talk to you later...right, okay...bye-bye.

(Warden puts phone back in pocket, resumes stance next to convict strapped to gurney. Executioner continues to stare at him)

Executioner: Well? (Everyone stares at Gov.)

Warden:What? Oh! The phone (laughs) yeah, it was the governor. He shot a 78 in the pro-am last week, can you believe it?
(They continue to stare)

Convict: AND?

Warden: Well, he's going on junket to Hawaii next week and he was thinking of having his hamster put down, since he won't be home to feed it, but I promised to take care of it for him.

Executioner: (sighs with relief and starts up again, very quickly) Bill Smith, you have been convicted of murder in the first degree by a jury of your peers and sentenced by a lawful court to death.....

Saturday, May 05, 2007

%$#&''&!!!
It has been a beautiful week in Tokyo. Warm, sunny, clear skies - great weather all week. A month ago we booked a site for a barbecue today for our family and about 30 other people as it is the last day of the Golden Week holidays, which are sort of the Japanese version of spring break. We have to pay for the site and you can't cancel, so sure enough, I woke up to thunder this morning. When I looked out the window it was, to quote Ken Kesey, "like a cow pissing on a flat rock" -- So think of me doing my Gene Kelly while you're all warm and dry today.

Personally, I blame George Bush and Dick Cheney. I'm not sure how, but I'm sure its their fault.

Monday, April 16, 2007

I freaked out, I came to Japan, I got a job teaching English, now I'm a professional writer and editor
People here often ask me "Reberand Paperboy-san, why are you come to the Japan?" -- I usually tell them "I came for the waters" When they don't get that I explain that within the span of a few months I got wrongfully fired from a job that provided me with a large part of my identity, had a serious relationship split up, turned 30, watched my friends suffer an unspeakable tragedy, crashed my car, absconded with the church funds, ran off with a senator's wife -- usually they like to think I killed a man, its the romantic in them. Guess how long I've been here as of this month...

Thursday, April 12, 2007

So it goes.
Kurt Vonnegut dead at 84

“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.’ ”
-from "God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater"



Player Piano, 1951The Sirens of Titan, 1959Canary in a Cat House, 1961 (short works)Mother Night, 1961Cat's Cradle, 1963God Bless You, Mr Rosewater, 1965Welcome to the Monkey House, 1968 (short works)Slaughterhouse-Five, 1969Happy Birthday, Wanda June, 1971 (play)Between Time and Timbuktu, 1972 (TV script)Breakfast of Champions, 1973Wampeters, Foma & Granfalloons, 1974 (opinions)Slapstick, 1976Jailbird, 1979Palm Sunday: An Autobiographical Collage, 1981 (essays)Deadeye Dick, 1982Galapagos, 1985Bluebeard, 1987Hocus Pocus, 1990Fates Worse than Death: An Autobiographical Collage of the 1980s, 1991 (essays)Timequake, 1997A Man Without a Country, 2005 (essays)