"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Lucky for all you folks in the Excited States that your government has its priorities in order. In this time of war and economic turmoil, with White House shenanigans aplenty to be investigated, and an election in the offing -- not to mention global warming and the various crises in health care, education, civil rights, race relations, mall shootings and the writers' strike --- it is good to know that your Congress has its eyes on the prize.

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has introduced a resolution (H.Res. 847) saying that Christmas and Christians are important. The House passed this bill Dec 10. The vote, surprisingly, was 372-9, with 10 members also voting "Present," meaning they took no position on the legislation, and 40 not voting. One of the "Present" votes was cast by Rep. Mike Pence (R-Ind.). More Democrats -195 - voted for the bill than Republicans, 177.

Just wait until the new year when the Republicans bring in their controversial bill declaring "Water is Wet" or the all important "America loves ice cream" omnibus bill with clauses declaring puppies, kittens and bunnies "cute" and cockroaches "icky"

Monday, December 10, 2007

New Fish
Let's hope his lardship looks good in stripes. Ex-Canadian and media baron Conrad "Lord Tubby" Black has been sentenced to six and a half years in a low security Florida prison, proving that no one is above the law. Of course, it is the minimum possible sentence he could have received and he will be serving it in a low security prison, where he is more likely to get tennis elbow than be shanked in the yard, so William Zanzinger Conrad Black is being dealt with in the way we have come to expect from the justice system in "class free" America. Thank Jebus he didn't do anything really bad like get a consensual drunken blow job from a fellow teenager or get caught with drugs while brown.
No confirmation yet on when Lady Barbarella Amiel is buying him cartons of cigarettes or soap on a rope for Christmas.

"Hi, I'm Scarlett and I'll be your waitress this evening..."

the flip side of "dollar draft" night

Now, admittedly this beverage includes an 11-caret diamond ring, but still for $70,000 I'd be expecting a half gallon of 100-year old single malt sipped out of a solid platinum, gem-encrusted shot glass nestled in Scarlett Johansen's cleavage (or Brad Pitt's navel for the ladies) and I better get to keep both the shot glass and the bearer.

Violence, while understandably tempting, is not the answer
No matter how often one is seized by an urge to literally slap some sense into a politician, acting on that urge is understandably frowned upon, especially when the victim is someone as comparatively inoffensive as Joe Clark. Having said that, I will not rule out giving Brian Mulroney an atomic wedgie if we are ever alone in an elevator together. I'm saying it would be the right thing to do, I'm just saying I'm not sure I could resist. And I still think there is a certain deterrent value in my suggestion that every pre-Katrina resident of New Orleans should be given a seat at the Superdome and be called, in alphabetical order, down onto the field and given the option of kicking George W. Bush in the nuts.