Nice guys and bitches

Bitch Ph.D talks about "Nice guys and bitchy women"
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"And yet, we know that "nice girls aren't pushy"--at least, not in public--and we've seen more than enough situations where ambitious women have been crapped on for being "abrasive" or "well she should have known" or "lacking tact"--much of which simply boils down to "being a woman"--so, in public, there's this constant stress of trying to balance your ambition with not wanting to shoot yourself in the foot by admitting that you're ambitious."

This is sexist nonsense -- the truth is that nice people aren't pushy, abrasive, ignorant or lacking in basic tact and civility. Ambition is not best served by being confrontational and getting in everyone's face over every little thing. It has nothing to do being a woman or a man. I work with people -male and female- who fit this description of "ambitious" who are never going to get anywhere because they piss too many people off with their arrogant behaviour based on the belief that they deserve promotion regardless of merit, ability to get along with co-workers or evident judgement.

And nice guys of the first variety are mostly just the descent ones, "the good ones," who got a bit lonesome and desparate and are trying too hard to make a good impression. Very few turn into abusive stalkers as Bitch Ph.D alleges. Women so often complain that men are commitment averse, but when they meet nice guy #1 who is looking to get married and soon -- they run like hell, just like guys run from women who bring up the kind of wedding they'd like or kids' names on the third date.

As far as the romantic gestures go - some women want and appreciate them, some don't. Those that like them often complain that men don't appreciate romance, don't present any tangible evidence of their affection. Some men like to demonstrate their affection in this way -- others view it as "paying for it" (the latter group being assholes, not nice guys). To make the generalization that a man who brings a woman long-stemmed red roses is somehow a jackass because it indicates he thinks all women like roses is kind of obtuse. Most people acknowledge red roses as a sort of standard romantic guesture and so giving them as a gift makes a kind of standard, if cliched, emotional statement, much like offering to cook a meal says "I want to take care of you", giving flowers means "I like you, and not in the I-really-just-want-to-be-friends kind of way"