"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The hills are alive with the sound of merciless imperialistic hegemony

Accidentally, my eye! I always suspected those Swiss were up to something. For centuries they've tried to lull the world into a false sense of security with their fondue, chocolate, cuckoo clocks and watches -- and that damn Julie Andrews movie. And all the while they've been arming terrorists, militants and malcontents around the world with military weapons, acting as banker to the world's dictators and criminals, and worst of all, yodeling.

For centuries,they have provided an army of mercenaries as personal guards to shore up the regime of the world's most notorious religious fanatic, who claims to god's infallible voice on earth and who rules over a theocratic dictatorship. And yet, they never fought the Kaiser or Hitler - they didn't even join the UN until 2002, claiming it might compromise their precious so-called neutrality. Ha! tell that to the freedom loving people of Liechtenstien, you bloodthirsty rosti-eating, tyrolean-hat wearing bastards!

Through stealth and trickery, they've already tried to make Geneva the center of their one-world government. They've successfully infiltrated Canada using a restaurant chain as a front; "Taste it once, love it forever" -- nice way of describing the addictive mind-control drugs they put in that sauce. But now it's all out in the open:

Filed at 11:13 p.m. ET

ZURICH, Switzerland (AP) -- What began as a routine training exercise almost ended in an embarrassing diplomatic incident after a company of Swiss soldiers got lost at night and marched into neighboring Liechtenstein.

According to Swiss daily Blick, the 170 infantry soldiers wandered just over a mile across an unmarked border into the tiny principality early Thursday before realizing their mistake and turning back.

A spokesman for the Swiss army confirmed the story but said that there were unlikely to be any serious repercussions for the mistaken invasion.

Obviously nukes are the only way to deal with this threat, otherwise the next thing you know we'll all be forced to toot alpenhorns, eat musili and speak French, German and Italian. The horror.


pretty shaved ape said...

yodelling is like a very loud form of mime. it should be punished.

jj said...

We need to be ever vigilant for the Swiss 5th Column lurking among us. If they get their way, we'll all be wearing lederhosen!