"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Stay classy conservatives!

Oh those witty conservatives, with their clever slogans on t-shirts - what a zany bunch!

I think people should be allowed to wear whatever idiotic shit they want to wear, even stuff like this that is calculated to offend.

But while my most offensive T-shirt merely mocks mass superstition and identifies me as a blasphemous non-believer with no respect for the deeply held beliefs of others (guilty!) this bit of warm weather fashion on the left puts forth the hi-larious notion that wearer enjoys taking shackled, helpless human beings and repeatedly almost drowning them just for shits and giggles. Ha ha ha!

I don't wear my sacrilegious shirt to churches or anything like that and I full expect to be called a heathen by any religious people I happen to run across - I deserve it. If you bring a bucket of KFC and wear snakeskin boots, leather pants and a mink coat to a PETA meeting, chances are pretty good that you'll get told off - that's kind of the point. Wearing a shirt that says "I'd rather be burning kittens" to an ASPCA fundraiser or an "Impeach Bush" shirt to a GOP rally is a provocative act. You do it to annoy cat fanciers or republicans and to identify yourself as someone who opposes what they stand for.

So conservatives, go ahead and order yourself a pile of "I'd rather be waterboarding" shirts - wear them everywhere you go! Let your pro-torture freak flag fly! Go right ahead and identify yourself as an enemy of the human race, it's bound to really piss off those pesky annoying people who dislike pointless cruelty.

Alternatively, you could just skip a step and have "I am an enormous douche bag" tattooed on your forehead, because that is what the rest of the world is going to see when you wear that shirt.


deBeauxOs said...

Nonetheless, that T-shirt is just about the most perfect thing that one could imagine Ann Coulter wearing, don't you think?

the rev. paperboy said...

Yeah, but Ann Coulter actually is an enemy of humanity and cheerleader for pointless cruelty who enjoys pissing off the entire species whenever the opportunity comes along.

David said...

This is what's on my most offensive t-shirt. I obviously have some work to do in the offending department. I'm such a lightweight.

deBeauxOs said...

David - ROTF!!!!

David said...

You're too kind dBO.

David said...


I forgot to add that I love your blog. One day, when I'm all big and stuff, I will comment. But not till am smart. Puffy cloud!

the rev. paperboy said...

Och, David ye sassenach git! I'm so outraged I could banjo ye with a haggis!!!