the obligatory Rob Ford post

The Mound of Sound had the best headline on the topic I've seen and my fellow inkstained wretch and once and future podcast guest Boris had the most poetic post about it that I've seen so far, but since I live in the neighbourhood now, I suppose I must address the election of Rob Ford.

Seriously Toronto? Rob Ford?

I get that you're all angry. Angry that the city government hasn't been run very well in recent memory and that taxes are kinda high.  And you keep being told you are angry by the Toronto Sun and National Post and the U.S. cable news channels with all that coverage of the Tea Party down south about how voters are angry at politicians and angry about taxes and angry about political correctness and angry at all those snooty elites and angry at those damn kids who won't get off your lawn and angry about all the anger. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired you're as mad as hell and you're not gonna take it any more. Just like you are every four years, when almost half of you bother to pay enough attention to actually vote. Sorry if that sounds a little snarky, but if - as we keep being told - everyone is so pissed off and disgusted at the terrible things their local council is doing, then why is the voter turnout so poor for municipal elections?

So Rob Ford feels he has a mandate, and so does every headline writer in the country. He got about 47% of the votes cast, which means more people voted for other people than for him. Ditto in Hamilton, where I keep hearing about Bob Bratina's decisive win in which he got 37 % of the vote compared to his nearest rivals who got 28% and 27%.
 "But wait Rev.Paperboy," you say. "The voter turnout was near record levels in Toronto! And more people voted in the election in Hamilton this time than voted in the last very serious Hamilton municipal election! This a victory for democracy! The people have spoken! Hurrah!" you say.

"Bah, humbug" says I. The "near record" voter turnout in Toronto was a little over 52% of registered voters. In Hamilton, it was up from 36% to about 39%. So Ford's "mandate" consists of about a quarter of the registered voters in Toronto, and Bratina has the support of fewer than than that. Even if you cut them all the slack the numbers allow and round every number in their favor, fewer than three in ten registered votes back these two new mayors with enough passion to actually go cast a ballot. I'll save my rant for how many people living in big cities aren't even registered to vote and who those people might be for another time, but suffice to say I don't really buy this "mandate" stuff.

But I digress.

Rob Ford won the election for mayor of Toronto.

I guess this is the two steps back, but I don't remember the steps forward that preceded it.

I know George Smitherman isn't everyone's cup of chai, but at least he walks upright and can do simple math. Rob Ford is going to make Mel Lastman look like a humble, digified genius. He claims he can slash the budget and reduce taxes without cutting services or firing anyone.  I remember another guy who claimed he could do that and it didn't turn out so well. And he's going to put the budget in order and curb spending while at the same time building a $3 billion subway system. It just isn't going to happen.

Ford is well known in for taking good care of his constituents and spending a lot of time listening to their concerns, and that is all well and good, but there is a little more to running Canada's largest city than that.

Putting aside for the moment his anti-immigrant comments and the accusations of wife-beating, the conviction for drunk driving and the bizarre drug story, his general record of behavior as a classless yahoo, my real complaint about Ford is that he one of two things: A bald-faced cynical liar or an absolute fool who wears his ignorance like a badge of honor.
He cannot do the things he has promised to do and still get the results he has promised any more than you can subtract two from five and get six . If he has any brains at all, he knows this and has been lying to manipulate Toronto voters. If he doesn't know it after three terms on Toronto council, then he's a fool.
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Ford threatens to (b)eat reporter

As comical as I find the latest shenanigan involving duh Mayor of Toronto, the underlying story that Star reporter Daniel Dale was researching when he was mugged by duh Mayor (what else would you call it when some bellowing thug runs up to you in a public park, threatens to punch you and demands you hand over your cell phone?) is one worthy of a closer look in that it says so much about Rob Ford's outlook on life.
In a nutshell, duh Mayor wants to buy a piece of public parkland adjacent to his house, claiming he wants it so that his kids have more room to play.
Heaven forfend that duh Mayor's kids should have to rub elbows with the other kids in the neighbourhood by playing in a public park. Buying the scrap of land in front of the community centre will mean more room for the the Ford children to play, but it will also mean less room for all the other kids in the neighbourhood to play in the public park.

How very Ford Nation of the duh Mayor.
Maybe he can have the local buses cancelled so that his kid's street hockey games aren't disturbed, too.

As an aside, I'm a bit surprised at the lack of quick thinking on the part of Star reporter Daniel Dale. Rob Ford is literally twice Dale's size and had it come to fisticuffs, Dale could have been in considerable trouble, but I strongly suspect he could have just run laps around the park until duh Mayor collapsed breathless. Well, okay half a lap.
To shriek "please don't eat hit me" and surrender the tools of the trade at the cocking of a fist the way he did makes us all look bad. Daniel, if you had just taken the punch like a real old-time newspaperman, not only would you never be allowed to buy another drink in downtown Toronto, but the cops would have been forced to arrest Rob Ford and you'd probably own that nice house of his and the adjacent parkland by the end of the year.
At the very least, I hope this incident has convinced Dale of the merits of keeping a can of bear repellant in the old reporter's kit bag, right next to the first aid kit and the extra batteries.

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Mammoliti will protect our precious bodily fluids

Toronto city councillor George "Giorgio" Mammoliti (he changed his name in 2002 from English to Italian to better reflect his desire to suck up to immigrant voters in his ward Italian heritage) has apparently finally made the full journey from populist leftist to card-carrying member of Monster Raving Looney Party conservative firebrand. How short is the collective memory of Torontonians? Apparently just as short as Mammoliti's own. With all his recent ranting about Communist flouridation contaminating our precious bodily fluids infiltration of his facebook page and Toronto City Council, and record as a self-agrandizing right-wing sideshow clown firebrand on council, it is worth looking at his slow gradual descent into lunacy shift in politics.
George started out as a landscaper for the Toronto Public Housing Authority, became active in his union and eventually became president of his CUPE local. From there he rode the Bob Rae wave into government at Queen's Park as an NDP MPP. At Queen's Park, he frequently embarrassed his government with his tirades against legitimizing same-sex marriage and adoption by same-sex couples. When the Rae government crashed and burned in 1995 - largely due to the constant refusal of the business community to accept the legitimacy of the NDP government and a huge backlash among public sector union members -- the backbone of the Ontario NDP at the time -- over cost-saving efforts that violated union contracts, Mammoliti moved on to municipal politics. He switched his loyalty to the Liberal Party and ran and won in the byelection to replace the city councillor who had replaced him as MPP.
On council his accomplishments have been many - he is chiefly know for his efforts to bring an NHL team to North York, establish a red light district on Toronto Island, erect a "historic" flagpole in his ward and launching a lawsuit against fellow "right-wing firebrand" Rob Ford after Ford called him "Gino-boy" and clashing repeatedly with Ford over his office budget. He declared his candidacy for mayor and even had his son poised to run against Ford's brother until the two decided that the city needed to have only one right-wing firebrand running for mayor. Since the election he has been Ford's most steadfast defender on council, calling all those who questioned the city government's efforts to slash programs and spending "communists" -- a bit rich for someone who has never worked in the private sector and suckled at the public teat his entire adult life brave words from a warrior who is apparently surrounded by bolsheviks.
Mammoliti is not smart enough to know when he has become a walking punchline backing down:

From Friday's Mop & Pail

Even after wide criticism of his anti-Communist rants, Mr. Mammoliti is holding firm to his view that a red scourge is prevalent among Canada’s left.

“There’s an underground element that has filtered into a major party in this country,” he said of the NDP. “I’m dead serious about this.”

He said six or seven communists sit on City Council with a long-term plot of installing “a system of government where government takes over all private property and controls the thoughts and views of people.”

In the 1980s, Mr. Mammoliti served as a leader for the Canadian Union of Public Employees. Later, he served as an MPP for the NDP, where he became something of a pariah for opposing same-sex benefits. He said he learned how to “smell communists” during his stint with Canada’s left.

“I know some of my views are outside the box,” he said. “But if people hear councillors in hallways talking about Fidel Castro and what a hero he was, they would be just as concerned.”

Well, they say in a democracy, people get the government they deserve. Congratulations Torontonians, you must be so proud! 


Bonus: Councillor Mammoliti reveals communist plot!








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Sometimes they just make this too easy

 

Yesterday, the Toronto Sun asked readers to suggest three "quick fix" ideas for things that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford could do right away to make Toronto a better city. Well, they asked...

I think the fastest way for Rob Ford to improve the city of Toronto would be for him to:

1. Move to Calgary.

2. Take his idiot brother with him.

3. Before he leaves, send Giorgio Mammoliti on a five year fact-finding mission to the South Pole.

By the way your worship, how's that promise not to cut services working out for ya?

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Leadership

So today, Toronto got more than 90 mm of rain in a couple of hours and low-lying areas of the city, including major highways and rail links were flooded. Subway stations were closed, there were power outages across the city and underpasses were underwater.

This one shows relative depths better than previous ones. Taken at 7:40 pm from Dundas St bridge at DVP. #toronto pic.twitter.com/stN7uQshfy
— Liam Scott (@Scito) July 9, 2013

When Calgary was flooded a couple of weeks ago, Mayor Nenshi did a fantastic job leading his city's response to the most serious crisis to hit Stampede City in decades.

Meanwhile in Toronto: (via twitter)

Just spoke to Mayor Rob Ford, power is still out at his house. He's in the SUV with his kids trying to stay cool #TOpoli #stormTO
— Don Peat (@reporterdonpeat) July 9, 2013

UPDATE: While Rob Ford did give a few statements to the press, presumably from the comfort of his idling SUV (in violation of the city's no idling bylaw) his brother Doug spent a few hours directing traffic in Etobicoke (though what qualifies a city councillor to direct traffic I'm not sure, nor could I hazard a guess (cough, tax-break driven budget cuts, cough) why the cops weren't directing traffic in Etobicoke.

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Pride - and a loud mouth - goeth before a fall

Like many posts, this started as a comment and metastasized. For the post to which I was reacting, go here.   It's a shortish post by Jeff "BCer in Toronto" Jedras about how the Rob Ford campaign brain trust are now openly bragging about the various dirty tricks they pulled during the election, something Jeff predicts will come back to bite them on the ass. And it will.

Like all asshole conservatives ( Note: I don't think all conservatives are assholes, I just think it is a legitimate subset, like fiscal conservatives or social conservatives) these proudly ignorant bully-boy frat types can't do anything that is remotely successful without a lot of hooting, high-fiving, belly-bumping and chugging Jaegermeister shots.
 People tire very, very quickly of smug, smirking bullies. Especially ones who endless slap each other on the back and boast about how they "fixed those damn hippies/socialists/homo/(insert offensive characterization of marginalized social, economic or ethnic group here) and good, blarharharharhar!"
We've all seen it. From the barely literate fag-bashing jocks who peaked in high school to the failed-jock hockey dads who scream obscenities at minor hockey referees and urge their kids to play dirty to the salesmen who idolize Alec Baldwin's character in Glengarry Glennross to the person on every reality show who at some point declares "I'm not here to make friends, I'm here to win!"
An undercurrent of it seems to run through conservatism like a  vein of fools' gold, occasionally becoming an El Dorado  of self-congratulating wankerism like FOX NEWS or the Blogging Tories. Rush Limbaugh has made a career of it.
It's the same mentality that led to the outing of Valerie Plame, the outrages of Abu Ghraib and the smearing of Sean Bruyea. It's the attitude that "the rules are for other people," that only winning matters, that silver medals are for losers, that "third prize is you're fired." 
It is an attitude of entitlement - nevermind that most of them were born on second base and think they hit a triple - they think that because they have some level of success, they must have earned it and that they deserve it - and that those who haven't achieved what they consider success (and usually that means money or power of some kind) don't deserve it and are somehow morally weak/lazy/evil/gay/drug addicts/eggheads/commies/beatniks/etc etc, "losers" who deserve only scorn.
As long as they have someone to look down on, they consider themselves successful.

To such people empathy is a sign of weakness. Showing sympathy is for losers.
They are terrified of being one of "those people" and the easiest way to make sure that no one will ever think they are, is to attack "those people."
That fear of being branded one of the Loser class will make them do almost anything to achieve whatever they consider success. It is that need for validation that makes them incapable of doing anything without breaking an arm patting themselves on the back that will eventually sink them. They can't resist the temptation to dance in the end zone, to rub someone's nose in their defeat, to shit downhill just because they can.
That is what eventually does such people in. Other people - sane people - get tired of the bragging and chest pounding. You can only pour shit downhill for so long before you find yourself standing on a pile of shit. And people who like to brag about how dirty they played and how low they stooped will eventually find that the only people impressed are other shitheels and grifters - and ambitious prosecutors who are waiting for an admission of something legally actionable.
Time and Karma will not be kind to Rob Ford and his campaign team and hubris will eventually prove their undoing. Nobody likes a sore loser, but most of us hate a bad winner just as much.




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"we create our own reality"

Right-wing nut jobs believe some incredibly weird shit:

• "Cyclists are responsible for gridlock."

• Only 1.3 % of Ppl rides a bike but they are; Creators of TO’s Gridlock #topoli #tocouncil
  — ejb (@ejb__) July 18, 2013

• The Trayvon Martin case had nothing to do with race.
• The answer to gun violence is more guns.
• Mission accomplished!
• Doughy Pantload is an intellectual

But this one, this one takes the cake.

"Mayor Rob Ford top male hottie at Toronto City Hall, survey says"

( post title from here)
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rob ford is sorry

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Dignity, always dignity

Take a good look at this photo of the soon-to-be-former mayor of Toronto. I don't think the Rob Ford bluster is going to be sufficient teflon this time. It isn't every day that the chief executive of the Canada's largest city gets hammered and starts grabbing ladies asses. I suspect you will be hearing a lot more about this in the coming days.


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hey, all you kids out there

here's one for you to watch and practice the next time yer down at the rink. The great Jack Todd, the Montreal Gazette's best sports writer and heir-apparent to the crown worn by Red Fisher, takes Don Cherry into the corner and puts him halfway through the boards. Bravo Jack Todd. Cherry is an ignorant blowhard whose greatest claim to fame in the NHL was his inability to count past five.
Read the whole thing.

Don Cherry is nothing but a phoney

By JACK TODD, The Gazette December 13, 2010 

There he is in Toronna, old Sour Grapes himself, invited to the inauguration of that Chris Farley reincarnation Rob Ford, decked out in a jacket of Liberace pink, dripping sarcasm and hatred with all his soul.
"Put that in your pipe and smoke it, ya left-wing kooks," Don Cherry bellows, among other sweet nothings to issue from the loudest mouth in Canada.

Read more: http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Cherry+nothing+phoney/3967855/story.html#ixzz180V4VxJq

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Stopping the gravy train

to make room on the track for the Schadenfreude Express!

Since the lawyers and the judge obviously didn't get through to him, let me put this in terms Rob Ford will understand: Coach, when there is a penalty flag on the play for say an ineligible receiver or pass interference, you don't get to go out on the field and tell the ref what the call is. You can stand on the sidelines and yell all you want, but it is the ref's decision and you don't get any say in the matter. In fact, if you do go out on the field and tell the ref "that was too an eligible receiver and we refuse to move the ball back and give up the gain and by the way, screw you and your seeing-eye dog! Just because your mother got knocked by a zebra doesn't mean you can tell me what to do, I'm  the coach and my team loves me!" the referee is going to throw you out of the game. If you don't  give in and play by the rules, you might end up forfeiting the game.

And no matter what Marni Soupcoff, her husband and her parking lot attendant think, being elected mayor doesn't give you legal immunity when you break the law.

And it doesn't matter how "authentic" Crusty Blatchford thinks you are, you've been at city hall long enough to have heard the phrase "conflict of interest" used and to know it is something to avoid. It wasn't left wing political tricks that made you break the rules. Willful belligerent ignorance may be your style, but it isn't a very good legal defence.

And it doesn't matter whether you or the National Post editorial board or even the judge agree with the way the law is written or the penalties it lays out. You break the law and get caught, you pay the price. Changing the law is whole other kettle of fish.

You might ask the other Paul Magder. He might know something about that.
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Sorry? He certainly is
Do any readers who live in the Toronto area have a paypal account? Because I'd like to ask you to do me a favor and forward a few inflated yen to Toronto city councillor Rob Ford so he can buy himself a few things -- namely a sense of shame and a clue.
It could have been worse, I suppose, at least he didn't pull back the corners of eyes and proclaim "Me so solly" like some offensive Jerry Lewis/Krusty the Clown knock-off, but he didn't stop much short of it.

election notebook

Some random thoughts on the election:

• Stephen Harper, who not so long ago touted himself as the champion of "open and accountable" government, will only answer five questions a day on the campaign trail, and two of them have to be in French and one from "local" media. So the people from the Globe, the Star, CBC, NatPost, Sun, CTV, Global, CP, Ottawa Citizen, Calgary Herald, Vancouver Province et al have paid $10,000 to sit through spin session and Potempkin rallies and ask one or two questions for the whole campaign?  I have a question: Are you fucking kidding me? Dammit Janet has a great post on just how bad things have gotten and Dr. Dawg hands out the white feathers
• The great debate debate rolls on over who gets to be included in the big blather off and whether it is fair to leave the Green Party or NDP or Bloc Quebecois or Liberals out. Harper has no interest in a debate, there is no advantage to had for him in taking part unless Ignatieff suddenly snaps and starts gibbering in Russian at the podium. Strategically, I can understand him not wanting to risk the exposure to a zinger or risk the cameras catching him with a bit of baby meat stuck in his fangs. I do think he has a moral responsibility to publicly debate the other leaders since that is how democracy is supposed to work re: free marketplace of ideas and all that, but then this is guy whose government fell over his unwillingness to reveal basic information about government policy that he is required by law to share with Parliament, so living up to his moral responsibilities isn't exactly his strong suit.
• Further to the debate debate, the Liberals are really passing up a golden opportunity at the moment. Harper has dithered over whether he will debate Ignatieff one on one, or whether he will take part in a full leaders' with or without Liz May and was actually asked whether he was "chicken" in a press conference Sunday (kudos to CBC's Terry Milewski for using up one of the two or three questions he will get to ask, though after the "chicken" question, I suspect it will be a hot day in Iqaluit before he gets called on again. The Liberals should have someone in a chicken costume at every single public appearance Harper makes from now until a debate is held.
• In a bit of pure pandering to the Rob Ford suburban voters, Harper has promised to increase the government subsidy for kids to play minor hockey and little league aka the child fitness tax credit from $500 to $1000 and to add a further $500 tax credit for adult fitness, just as soon as the budget is balanced (in other words, never). I'm sure all those urban poor who can't afford to feed their families will be delighted to know that they can get money back on their taxes if they join the gym.
• As happy as I am to see Jack Layton do the right thing and finally bring down the government instead of   making a deal with the Conservatives to let them stay in power if they promise not to kick the poor, elderly and constitution too hard, I fear this may mean the NDP takes a shellacking as people vote strategically to dump Harper by backing the Liberals. Though, having said that, the NDP does stand to make some gains in Saskatchewan and in Edmonton where they ran second to the Conservatives due to strategic voting. 
• Does anyone outside of the hard-core Conserva-borg base really think coalition governments are a terrible thing? Let's face it, any minority government is a de facto coalition between the government and the opposition parties for as long as the government is willing to court the oppostion or as long as the opposition is willing to go along with the government. The only difference being that in an official coalition, the minority partner usually gets a place at the cabinet table. No one, except Harper, has ever proposed forming a coalition with the Bloc Quebecois.
• The latest Conservative canard about ending per-vote subsidies deserves to be broadly, publically debunked on the front page of every newspaper and on every radio and television show. It ought to be shouted from the rooftops that having the taxpayers foot the bill for election campaigns means that taxpayers call the shots, not the fatcats. Doing away with the subsidies and allowing bigger individual, corporate and union donations means that politicians will be for sale to the highest bidder, and the highest bidder is not going to be ordinary Canadians.
• For all those who have been paying attention to the ongoing nuclear disaster in Japan, keep in mind that Stephen Harper fired Linda Keene as the head of the Canadian nuclear regulatory agency because she was concerned that an emergency system to provide power to the reactor cooling system at the aging Chalk River reactor was not connected and was not operational. The problems in Japan all stem from the fact that the cooling systems did not have power after the earthquake because the emergency generators could not be used.
• I think I am becoming even more addicted to the razor-sharp Kady O'Malley than I was before the election, if that is possible. 

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Midweek reading

Just a couple of things for your midweek read that I happened across:

• If Rob Ford's opponents on council were "two steps to the left of Joseph Stalin" as he claims, they would long ago have had him icepicked to death in Mexico or sent to starve to death in Siberia.. At the very least, he would have been sent to a re-education camp by now.
• A Scary Thought: Do We Really Need "If You See Something, Say Something?" | The National Interest Blog

And speaking of reading:

#7 Requiem for an Assassin By Barry Eisler
Fast-paced fun with freelance assassin John Rain. For those not in the know, Barry Eisler is a former CIA agent turned  thriller writer, so his take on the espionage novel is a bit different. Great action scences, authentic spycraft, thought-provoking observations on how violence occurs and how the mind deals with it.

I read and reviewed this when it first came out, back when I used to get paid to read and review books ( I reviewed an earlier Eisler book in the John Rain series "Hard Rain" but forgot to save an electronic copy for my own use, though the review is quoted at his site). I've also communicated with Barry a few times via email and bulletin boards and only narrowly missed having a drink with him in Tokyo one time.
He also wrote the introduction for the only English language book of which I can claim partial authorship. He blogs a bit and sometimes writes for Huffpo and Firedoglake. For an former spook with a fixation on knives and martial arts, he's strikes me as a pretty nice guy. His books, however - and I mean this in the nicest way -  are like potato chips: it's difficult to stop at just one.

#8 Fault Line by Barry Eisler
A non-John Rain thriller that leans heavily on the liberal elite vs conservative warhawk cultural divide in American culture. Definitely worth reading and like Eisler's other work, a thinking man's thriller with plenty of emphasis on tradecraft and the technical side of espionage.

What we talk about when we talk about snark

While I greatly enjoyed this essay by John Sewell on how Toronto Mayor Rob Ford should go about cutting the fat cats off the gravy train, its pretty clear most people reading and commenting on it don"t realize it isn't any more about the police than Swift's Modest Proposal was about nutrition. However, as sharp as Sewell's razor cuts, when it comes to snark, satire and sarcasm, nothing can touch this for pure evil genius.

Letter to the Earth

by Mark Twain

Abner Scofield
Coal Dealer
Buffalo, New York

     I have the honor, as per command, to inform you that your recent act of benevolence and self-sacrifice has been recorded upon a page of the Book called Golden Deeds of Men; a distinction, I am permitted to remark, which is not merely extraordinary, it is unique.
     As regards your prayers, for the week ending the 19th, I have the honor to report as follows:
     1. For weather to advance hard coal 15 cents a ton. Granted.
     2. For influx of laborers to reduce wages 10 percent. Granted.
     3. For a break in rival soft-coal prices. Granted.
     4. For a visitation upon the man, or upon the family of the man, who has set up a competing retail coal-yard in Rochester. Granted, as follows: diphtheria, 2, 1 fatal; scarlet fever, 1, to result in deafness and imbecility, Note. This prayer should have been directed against this subordinate's principals, the N. Y. Central R. R. Co.
     5. For deportation to Sheol of annoying swarms of persons who apply daily for work, or for favors of one sort or another. Taken under advisement for later decision and compromise, this petition appearing to conflict with another one of same date, which will be cited further along.
     6. For application of some form of violent death to neighbor who threw brick at family cat, whilst the same was serenading. Reserved for consideration and compromise because of conflict with a prayer of even date to be cited further along.
     7. To "damn the missionary cause." Reserved also -- as above.
     8. To increase December profits of $22,230 to $45,000 for January, and perpetuate a proportionate monthly increase thereafter -- "which will satisfy you." The prayer granted, the added remark accepted with reservations.
     9. For cyclone, to destroy the works and fill up the mine of the North Pennsylvania Co. NOTE: Cyclones are not kept in stock in the winter season. A reliable article of firedamp can be furnished upon application.
     Especial note is made of the above list, they being of particular moment. The 298 remaining supplications classifiable under the head of Special Providences, Schedule A, for week ending 19th, are granted in a body, except that 3 of the 32 cases requiring immediate death have been modified to incurable disease.
     This completes the week's invoice of petitions known to this office under the technical designation of Secret Supplications of the Heart, and which, for a reason which may suggest itself, always receive our first and especial attention.
     The remainder of the week's invoice falls under the head of what we term Public Prayers, in which classification we place prayers uttered in Prayer Meeting, Sunday School, Class Meeting, Family Worship, etc. These kinds of prayers have value according to classification of Christian uttering them. By rule of this office, Christians are divided into two grand classes, to wit; (1) Professing Christians; (2) Professional Christians. These, in turn, are minutely subdivided and classified by Size, Species, and Family; and finally, Standing is determined by carats, the minimum being 1, the maximum 1,000.
     As per balance sheet for quarter ending Dec. 31st, 1847, you stood classified as follows:
     Grand Classification: Professing Christian.
     Size: one-fourth of maximum.
     Species: Human-Spiritual.
     Family: A of the Elect, Division 16.
     Standing: 322 carats fine.
     As per balance sheet for quarter just ended -- that is to say, forty years later -- you stand classified as follows:
     Grand Classification: Professional Christian.
     Size: six one-hundredths of maximum.
     Species: Human-Animal.
     Family: W of the Elect, Division 1547.
     Standing: 3 carats fine.
     I have the honor to call your attention to the fact that you seem to have deteriorated.
     To resume report upon your Public Prayers -- with the side remark, that in order to encourage Christians of your grade and of approximate grades, it is the custom of this office to grant many things to them which would not be granted to Christians of a higher grade -- partly because they would not be asked for:
     Prayer for weather mercifully tempered to the needs of the poor and the naked. Denied. This was a Prayer-Meeting prayer. It conflicts with Item 1 of this report, which was a Secret Supplication of the Heart. By a rigid rule of this office, certain sorts of Public Prayer of Professional Christians are forbidden to take precedence of Secret Supplications of the Heart.
     Prayer for better times and plentier food "for the hard-handed son of toil whose patient and exhausting labors make comfortable the homes, and pleasant the ways, of the more fortunate, and entitle him to our vigilant and effective protection from the wrongs and injustices which grasping avarice would do him, and to the ten dearest offices of our grateful hearts." Prayer-Meeting prayer. Refused. Conflicts with Secret Supplication of the Heart No. 2.
     Prayer "that such as in any way obstruct our preferences may be generously blessed, both themselves and their families, we here calling our hearts to witness that in their worldly prosperity we are spiritually blessed, and our joys made perfect." Prayer-Meeting prayer. Refused. Conflicts with Secret Supplications of the Heart Nos. 3 and 4.
     "Oh, let none fall heir to the pains of perdition through words or acts of ours." Family Worship. Received fifteen minutes in advance of Secret Supplication of the Heart No. 5, with which it distinctly conflicts. It is suggested that one or the other of these prayers be withdrawn, or both of them modified.
     "Be mercifully inclined toward all who would do us offense in our persons or our property." Includes man who threw brick at cat. Family Prayer. Received some minutes in advance of No. 6, Secret Supplications of the Heart. Modification suggested, to reconcile discrepancy.
     "Grant that the noble missionary cause, the most precious labor entrusted to the hands of men, may spread and prosper without let or limit in all heathen lands that do as yet reproach us with their spiritual darkness." Uninvited prayer shoved in at meeting of American Board. Received nearly half a day in advance of No. 7 Secret Supplications of the Heart. This office takes no stock in missionaries, and is not connected in any way with the American Board. We should like to grant one of these prayers, but cannot grant both. It is suggested that the American Board one be withdrawn.
     This office desires for the twentieth time to call urgent attention to your remark appended to No. 8. It is a chestnut.
     Of the 464 specifications contained in your Public Prayers for the week, and not previously noted in this report, we grant 2, and deny the rest. To wit; Granted, (1) "that the clouds may continue to perform their office; (2) and the sun his." It was the divine purpose anyhow; it will gratify you to know that you have not disturbed it. Of the 462 details refused, 61 were uttered in Sunday School. In this connection I must once more remind you that we grant no Sunday School Prayers of Professional Christians of the classification technically known in this office as the John Wanamaker grade. We merely enter them as "words," and they count to his credit according to number uttered within certain limits of time; 3,000 per quarter-minute required, or no score; 4,200 in a possible 5,000 is a quite common Sunday School score, among experts, and counts the same as two hymns and a bouquet furnished by young ladies in the assassin's cell, execution morning. Your remaining 401 details count for wind only. We bunch them and use them for head winds in retarding the ships of improper people, but it takes so many of them to make an impression that we cannot allow anything for their use.

     I desire to add a word of my own to this report. When certain sorts of people do a sizable good deed, we credit them up a thousand-fold more for it than we would in the case of a better man -- on account of the strain. You stand far away above your classification record here, because of certain self-sacrifices of yours which greatly exceed what could have been expected of you.
     Years ago, when you were worth only $100,000, and sent $2 to your impoverished cousin the widow when she appealed to you for help, there were many in heaven who were not able to believe it, and many more who believed that the money was counterfeit.
     Your character went up many degrees when it was shown that these suspicions were unfounded. A year or two later, when you sent the poor girl $4 in answer to another appeal, everybody believed it, and you were all the talk here for days together. Two years later you sent $6, upon supplication, when the widow's youngest child died, and that act made perfect your good fame. Everybody in heaven said, "Have you heard about Abner?" -- for you are now affectionately called Abner here. Your increasing donation, every two or three years, has kept your name on all lips, and warm in all hearts. All heaven watches you Sundays, as you drive to church in your handsome carriage; and when your hand retires from the contribution plate, the glad shout is heard even to the ruddy walls of remote Sheol, "Another nickel from Abner!"
     But the climax came a few days ago, when the widow wrote and said she could get a school in a far village to teach if she had $50 to get herself and her two surviving children over the long journey; and you counted up last month's clear profit from your three coal mines -- $22,230 -- and added to it the certain profit for the current month -- $45,000 and a possible fifty -- and then got down your pen and your checkbook and mailed her fifteen whole dollars!
     Ah, heaven bless and keep you forever and ever, generous heart! There was not a dry eye in the realms of bliss; and amidst the hand-shakings, and embracings, and praisinqs, the decree was thundered forth from the shining mount, that this deed should outhonor all the historic self-sacrifices of men and angels, and be recorded by itself upon a page of its own, for that the Strain of it upon you had been heavier and bitterer than the strain it costs ten thousand martyrs to yield up their lives at the fiery stake; and all said, "What is the giving up of life, to a noble soul, or to ten thousand noble souls, compared with the giving up of fifteen dollars out of the greedy grip of the meanest white man that ever lived on the face of the earth?"
     And it was a true word. And Abraham, weeping, shook out the contents of his bosom and pasted the eloquent label there, "RESERVED": and Peter, weeping, said, "He shall be received with a torchlight procession when he comes"; and then all heaven boomed, and was glad you were going there. And so was hell.

[Signed]
THE RECORDING ANGEL [SEAL]
By command

THE END

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Election Predictions

The polls close in a about 40 minutes. I'm betting on a slim Liberal majority or minority and a surge for the NDP.

My two bets in the office pool:

Libs 56
PC 30
NDP 21

OR if Tim Hudak's hateful campaign of wrong-head libertarianism, xenophobia and homophobia, backed up by as much help as the Harper cabinet could throw his way resonates with the remaining Rob Ford fans in the 905 belt

Libs 50
PC 37
NDP 20

Either way, I think we can expect another four years of Premier Dad, which, while he isn't my first choice either locally or provincially, won't be that bad. At least not when one considers the Mini-Mike Harris alternative we thought we were facing at the start of the campaign.

Credit where credit is due dept.-- the National Toast has a good graphic on which industries give how much to which parties.

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so now what do we do?

Having spent most of the last 30 years as a journalist and editor I am now wondering why I didn't go and do something useful like become a telephone sterilizer or couch insurance salesman
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No one cares about journalism anymore, it was just a fad left over from the 70s. If Woodward and Bernstein uncovered Watergate today, Bill O'Reilly would be on TV demanding to know why they hate America and the Washington Post would likely fire them for embarrassing the newspaper with their crazy theories that the president could do anything wrong. No one cares about facts or truth anymore, especially the "news media." At least 50% of the editorial copy of any newspaper is just advertising in disguise, telling you which movie to see, which diet to try, which sports jersey to buy or game to watch, which celebrity is hot, what event is coming up, which charity is trying to raise money to do something the government should doing but won't because it might boost your taxes a nickle.

It is all marketing and propaganda.

Crime stories are just there to make you afraid to leave your house, at least until you read the story on page nine about the 37 ways your house could kill you. Political reporting is mostly opinion these days and and since education and experience don't mean anything anymore, a seasoned political reporter's opinion is not considered to be any more valid than that of a semi-literate 20-year-old with nice tits and blonde hair, as long as she wears the smart-girl glasses. And if you disagree, you are an elitist.

But what about the importance of the fourth estate? The public's watchdog? No one gives a shit.  My hometown daily went under a year ago and no one really misses it except the people that used to work there. Because no one cares what city council does, as long as the taxes don't go up too much and the garbage is still collected. What percentage of people voted in the last municipal election? Can you name three members of your city council? Are you outraged by police violence or government corruption or neglect? Great, good for you. Enjoy the endorphin rush, because that is all that outrage is going to get you. No one else cares and even if they did it wouldn't matter. Go ahead and protest, demonstrate in front of city hall, block traffic, commit civil disobedience and get arrested or start a riot if that is what it takes. At best, the government will appoint a commission to put together a committee to form a panel to launch a study into the best way to do as little as possible until the next shiny object comes into public view.

Newspapers and other media can't hold anyone's feet to the fire any more, they are simply written off as the "lying mainstream media" by politicians and the public alike. People don't want to read a well-researched, carefully sourced investigative report, they want to see a Facebook meme that confirms what they already believe. How else do you explain why half of America still thinks Barak Obama is a Muslim born in Africa? How else do you explain the widespread fear of vaccines, genetically modified crops or wifi. How else do you explain climate denial, natureopathy, homeopathy, essential oils, horoscopes,  psychics and "reality" TV?

 Fear and flattery are what sells, not truth. Because if truth matters, how do you explain Donald Trump? 

Most, if not all, newspapers and real news outlets (I do not include propaganda operations like Brietbart or the World Net Daily) took Trump to task daily for his offensive statements and bald-faced lies. The Toronto Star's Daniel Dale, fresh from covering the human dumpster fire that was Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, filed a daily list of falsehoods uttered by Trump (I think the record was 31 in one day) and yet voters who wanted their ignorant prejudices confirmed lapped up his every word like manna from troll heaven. The entire GOP platform for several years now has mostly consisted of whatever they think will piss off imaginary "liberals,"  Trump just got rid of any actual policies and replaced them with "Trust me, I will have the best policies. The best! Believe me!" No one cared that he lied constantly. Some even considered it a plus. Thousands of man-hours and barrels of ink were expended in an effort to make sure everyone knew Trump was a lying sack of crap but in the end, no one cared. The GOP, as is their way, did their best to suppress the vote, but they needn't have bothered really -- only a little more than half of the roughly 200 million American registered to vote bothered to cast a ballot, and Trump got about 60 million votes.

Newspapers are just not influential any more. Every major newspaper in the United States endorsed Hilary Clinton. The only "newspaper" that endorsed Donald Trump was The Crusader, the house organ of the Klu Klux Klan.

 How do you explain that to a journalism class without handing out job applications for McDonalds at the same time?

Thirty years of trying to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable and where has it gotten us?

Is it too late to get one of those sweet telephone sanitizer gigs or get into the exciting world of couch insurance?

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It just happened here

To paraphrase Sinclair Lewis: When fascism comes to Canada, it will come wrapped in a flag and carrying a hockey stick.

Coach Harper won his majority last night thanks to smears, lies, obfuscation, vote suppression and dirty tricks on his part, vote splitting on the part of his opposition and a staggering display of selfish bourgeois Babbittry on the part of a good many Canadians. In any democracy, we get the government we deserve.

There is good news and bad news in last night's election result: The NDP won 102 seats and will form the official opposition, an opposition that will -- with 60 newly minted MPs many of whom never expected to get elected - be as hapless as it will be irrelevant. The Conservatives won only 39.6 percent of the popular vote, but 167 of the 308 seats in the House of Commons - they can do whatever they want with no real restraint on their actions. Harper has made his contempt for parliament abundantly clear already, so don't expect the opposition to be anything but a noisy decoration in Ottawa now that he has his majority and carte blanche.

The sun will still rise and set and the earth will still turn, though I for one expect a user fee to be levied for that sometime soon, so that the country can be run more like a business.

 On the bright side, Toronto will probably get a new mayor in the next year or two after Rob Ford is appointed to the Senate and joins the cabinet as the Minister of  Commonsense Gettin'er Done Tax-cutting or some such post.
On the bright side, Elizabeth May won a seat in Parliament - the first time the Green Party has ever elected a member to the house of commons. I watched here victory speech last night - she is looking forward to working in Parliament to make big changes! She also plans to ride her unicorn that eats carbon emissions and shits ice cream to work every morning.  At least we can be sure that the Greens will be part of the next leaders debate, after which they will cease to exist once the per-vote party subsidy is eliminated.

No, I'm afraid there is no amount of polishing that is going to turn this turd into a diamond. In the words of Hunter S. Thompson "Big darkness, soon come."
There will be no sudden declaration of martial law or dramatic day when CPC stormtroopers surround Stornaway or round up dissidents in the night - there won't need to be. That nice, soft-spoken, Christian economist and hockey dad who just wants to protect us from the bad guys doesn't work that way. There will just be a steady drip of manufactured small crises that lead to privatization, deregulation, and "temporary" security measures, until we get back to the good old days of the robber barons.

George Orwell described a distopian future in 1984 describing it through the mouth of one character thusly: If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face— forever.


Naturally, this has been adjusted to fit Canadian content regulations.






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