the day the music died

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Making our own nightmares come true

It occurs to me, as I'm sure it must have to many people, that if the Western democracies would walk the walk instead of just talking the talk and really supported efforts at democracy in North Africa and the Middle East instead of bankrolling dictators because they provide "stability" we would have a lot less to fear from a democratic North Africa and Middle East. Given that virtually every gun, club, tear gas bomb and armored car being deployed against the huddled masses yearning to breath free in Tunisia, Egypt and elsewhere in the region comes from the "arsenal of democracy" and given that we have been helping thugs like Mubarak maintain his stranglehold on power, is it any wonder that when the chickens come home to roost, our governments are terrified of the results? What cause to love the West have we given the people of Egypt or Tunisia or Jordan or Syria? Why shouldn't they hate us?
When Castro was still hiding in the hills of Cuba and people were still robbing banks to fund the revolution, Castro approached the United States for help. The U.S. decided to keep propping up the dictator there for the good of the fruit, sugar, rum and organized crime lobbies and so Castro turned to the Russians for help. We know how that one turned out.
The Sandinistas in Nicaragua reached out to the Ford and Carter Administrations for help getting rid of the Somoza dictatorship. Both refused, citing the Roosevelt/Truman doctrine of "He may be a bastard, but he's our bastard." Central America spends 30 years plagued by right wing death squads
 trained at the School of the Americas and proxy wars between "leftists" and military-backed plutocrats.
We backed the Shah's bloody kleptocracy, until Iranians finally got fed up and took to the streets and invited the Ayatollah back just to provide some leadership to the angry mob.
Then, to fight the Ayatollah, the west decided to cultivate a rival power - a military strongman just next door, who did just what we wanted as long as we kept giving him arms and didn't ask too many questions about what he was doing to his own people. Of course, once Saddam Hussien slipped the leash, things got ugly for him fast. 
Now, the realpolitik braintrust in Foggy Bottom and by extention, Whitehall and Ottawa, is worried that if Mubarak falls, the wrong people might end up running Eygpt and that might be bad for Israel and U.S. interests in the region. Maybe they should have thought of that 20 or 30 years ago.
Mubarak and the other despots of the Middle East and North Africa may be "our bastards" instead of "their bastards," but the bottom line is that they are bastards and we are helping them stay in power and teaching their oppressed people to hate us.
The longer we prop up dictators to keep the Islamic world in line, the bigger the potential shitrain we are going to face when those dictators inevitably fall to popular uprisings we've helped them try to suppress.

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Tonight on Virtually Speaking

Tonight at 9 p.m. eastern/6 p.m. Pacific, host and all-around smart and funny guy Jay Ackroyd speaks with Tom Levenson.

TOM LEVENSON teaches science writing at MIT, posts at his own blog, The Inverse Square and at Balloon Juice. He and Jay will talk about science in contemporary politics, and the 17th century origins of the modern economy. To comment and question from the studio audience, join us at http://slurl.com/secondlife/Virtually%20Speaking/164/111/25

LISTEN on the web at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2011/01/28/tom-levenson-virtually-speaking-with-jay-ackroyd
More info at http://blog.virtually-speaking.com/ABOUT TOM LEVENSON Professor, Program Head and Director of the Graduate Program, Techniques, forms and traditions of contemporary writing, media and communications.
About Tom's book 'Newton and the Counterfeiter' NEAL STEPHENSON says of Tom's book:
'Newton and the Counterfeiter is both a fascinating read and a meticulously researched historical document: a combination difficult to acheive and arely seen....Recommended for anyone who wants to know the real story behind this astonishing but largely overlooked chapter of scientific history.'
http://bit.ly/i0UMSX


Prof Thomas Levenson is the winner of Walter P. Kistler Science Documentary Film Award, Peabody Award (shared), New York Chapter Emmy, and the AAAS/Westinghouse award. His articles and reviews have appeared in The Atlantic Monthly, The Boston Globe, Discover, The Sciences. Winner of the 2005 National Academies Communications Award for Origins. The executive producer of the "Origins" miniseries (NOVA), Tom wrote, produced and directed part four: "Back to the Beginning." The series depicts four areas of cosmic evolution: the formation of the Earth and planets, the rise of life, the search for extraterrestrial life forms and the beginning of the universe.
http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/origins/program-3114.html
http://inversesquare.wordpress.com/
http://www.balloon-juice.com/
http://www.twitter.com/TomLevenson  
Visit Virtually Speaking at: http://virtuallyspeaking.ning.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network
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I know there have been spending cuts,

but surely the Defence Ministry can still afford maps?

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This weekend on Virtually Speaking Sundays

JAN 23, 5pm pacific|8pm eastern

Culture of Truth & Cliff Schecter @ VIRTUALLY SPEAKING SUNDAYS * A REALITY BASED COUNTERPOINT TO SUNDAY MORNING TALKING HEADS *

Webcast and archived on BlogTalkRadio - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/virtuallyspeaking/2011/01/24/cliff-schecter-and-culture-of-truth-virtually-speaking-sundays

More UP NOW @ http://blog.virtually-speaking.com/

THIS WEEK on VIRTUALLY SPEAKING SUNDAYS : Culture of Truth and Cliff Schecter join us... the Gasbag atrocities are documented. Various news stories that arise during the Sunday shows are considered. There is often mockery. Starting point: http://moonshinepatriot.blogspot.com/

CULTURE OF TRUTH writes the Bobblespeak Translations, political satire wherein he recaps the Sunday morning talk shows and major appearances of national political figures. "What They're Really Saying When They're Saying What They're Saying" just about sums it up. http://moonshinepatriot.blogspot.com/

CLIFF SCHECTER A political commentator, consultant and author, Cliff's first book, The Real McCain: Why Conservatives Don’t Trust Him—And Why Independents Shouldn’t was published by Polipoint Press May 1. Schecter is also a political consultant for Libertas LLC, a full-spectrum political and corporate communications firm.
http://www.libertasllc.com/ http://twitter.com/cliffschecter
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

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Bravo for People for Corporate Tax Cuts

Wow, I have to say my hat is off to the people at OPSEU who put this campaign together. They are doing a marvelous job of keeping a straight faee and keeping up the gag. This was in my inbox at the newspaper this morning.

Good Morning -

Are you wondering how you will come up with $500 to pay your share of the Ontario government's proposed $2.4 billion a year corporate tax cut? Today, People for Corporate Tax Cuts unveiled its province-wide campaign to shares tips on how Ontarians can raise the $500 every household must contribute to pay for the corporate tax cuts. The organization will also educate Ontarians on the important role the cuts play in executive salaries and bonuses, and paying for other vital management incentives.

Examples of how Ontarians can raise $500:
– 15 year old Jimmy Palmatier sold his hockey equipment to help his parents pay their share
– Rahid Gupta vowed to give up his health care benefits so the government could put that money towards the corporate tax cuts


For more information, please visit our website.

NOTE: A press release is included below with additional information.

James Stephen
People for Corporate Tax Cuts



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE


PEOPLE FOR CORPORATE TAX CUTS LAUNCHES PRO-CORPORATION CAMPAIGN

(TORONTO) January 20 – People For Corporate Tax Cuts (PFCTC) has launched a province-wide multi-media campaign in support of the Ontario government’s plan to give corporations a $2.4 billion a year tax cut.

“Giving corporations a $2.4 billion income tax cut means that every household in Ontario will have to contribute $500 to pay their share,” announced Nuella Warkworth, PFCTC President, Chair, CEO and COO, at a Niagara Falls press conference held earlier this week. “We’re here to help them do that.”

Through www.peopleforcorporatetaxcuts.ca and a media advertising campaign, PFCTC will share tips on how Ontarians can raise $500 to pay their share of the corporate tax cuts.

“The goal of the campaign is to show Ontarians that there are many ways they can come up with their $500 share of the corporate tax cuts,” said Warkworth. “Take Mrs. Muriel Flagle, for example. This 77 year old woman sold her walker to pay her share and is a proud member of PFCTC.”

The organization will also educate all Ontarians on the important role corporate tax cuts play in increasing executive salaries and bonuses, and paying for other vital management incentives.

PFCTC will be giving away $500 prizes to those who submit the best videos or photos showing how they will come up with the money they need to pay for corporate tax cuts. If they are unable to come with the money, entrants may also outline what public services they are personally prepared to give up so that the government can pass the savings on to corporations.

People For Corporate Tax Cuts also wishes to ensure that the Ontario government gets the credit it deserves. Ms Warkworth explained, “Even though Ontario already has about the lowest corporate taxes in North America, our government is proudly determined to cut corporate taxes even further. People For Corporate Tax Cuts recognizes and applauds this well-planned transfer of wealth from the people of Ontario to our corporate friends.”

Nuella Warkworth is a tireless fighter for the rights of corporations and the executives who run them. See her videos at www.peopleforcorporatetaxcuts.ca

About People for Corporate Tax Cuts – www.peopleforcorporatetaxcuts.ca:
People For Corporate Tax Cuts is a grassroots organization, founded in 2000 and led by Nuella Warkworth. Headquartered in Toronto with members throughout Ontario, PFCTC’s mission is to advocate for ever more generous corporate tax cuts. The organization has been very successful as Ontario’s corporate tax rates have fallen significantly in the last decade. A 2010 study by the KPMG consulting firm shows that Ontario has much lower business taxes than the United States and our key competitors.

“Pay Your Share” The People For Corporate Tax Cuts Anthem is available on our website.

- 30 -

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"My back still aches when I hear that word"

Like that sculpture? Apparently you are a family values-hating homosexual then, at least according to a bunch of Jesused-up nutcases in Southwestern Ontario.
The Short Version: Exhibit by local artist at the library is featured in the local newspaper. The article happens to mention that some of the artist's previous work focuses on presenting postive images of the gay community. Local Baptists - who haven't seen the exhibit-  throw a hissy fit about how everyone will get gay cooties by looking at some statues because they were made by a homosexual and someone at the library throws a bedsheet over the exhibit  until the higher-ups can discuss the controversy.


I used to work in and around Tillsonburg so I can't really say I'm surprised by the appallingly stupid bigotry involved here -- I know there are some real whackjobs in the neighbourhood. I'm just very disappointed in the lack of spine displayed by the library.

Now, on the plus side, the library board did vote unanimously to uncover the exhibit and most of the comment at the local newspaper about the issue have been along the "what the hell is the big deal?" line, but I cannot believe there even needed to be a discussion about this. There is nothing sexual about the art and those complaining about it should have simply been written off as the crackpots they obviously are.

Seriously, if the title of this sculpture had been "Wrestlers" I'm guessing this dingbat wouldn't have had any problem with it. 

tip of the hat to Slap Upside the Head 





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If you aren't angry, you haven't been paying attention

Ian Welsh lays it out just about right. And David Lindorff further discusses the monsters in our midst.
The Skipper has been criticized by a few under the Godwin's Law argument, but I agree with him and with Welsh that we too often fall into the trap of reasonableness, that by going along to get along we too often normalize extremist opinion and outrageous attitudes by our tacit acceptance.

We grossly overvalue civility when we condemn people for using strong language to describe reprehensible actions and attitudes. Right-wing radio hosts and  tea party activists make horribly racist statements on a regular basis, but somehow calling them racists  is verboten. The American and Canadian government now routinely step all over basic human rights and openly embrace plutocracy, but to call them fascists is somehow considered beyond the pale. Somehow, somewhere along the line it became unacceptable in the mass media to declare the emperor is stark naked.

We, as a society, need to start calling people out and making them take responsibility for the things they say. I'm all for free speech. When someone starts casually talking about murdering people, about 'bombing them back to the stone age," I think everyone else should be free to to call them a monster without being lectured about how its impolite to do so.

Lindorff's example is a classic:

I brought my son and a friend last year to the notorious Army Experience Center, a multi-million state-of-the-art virtual war recruiting wonderland located in a mall in working-class Northeast Philadelphia. Filled with an array of very fast computers and video screens on which kids as young as 14 could blast away in realistic war scenarios, and featuring two darkened rooms that had the real bodies of an armored Humvee and a Blackhawk helicopter where kids could man the guns and operate in a 3-D video environment with surround sound so that you felt like you were moving through hostile territory and had to “take out” the “bad guys” while quickly identifying innocent civilians and avoiding shooting them. My son, his friend and I tried the Humvee out, and at the end of our “mission,” the recruiter, an Iraq vet, congratulated us, saying we were “the best gunners all day!” and that our error rate had been “only 30%.”

I asked him what “error rate” meant, and he said, “Collateral damage--civilians killed.”

“Thirty percent of the peope we just killed were civilians?” I asked, aghast.

“Oh yeah,” he said matter-of-factly. “Don’t feel bad. That’s not a bad percentage.” 

When did it become okay for soldiers to murder civilians? Why is torture, murder  and repression any more acceptable when embraced by Barak Obama than it was when it was done by George W. Bush, or for that matter Stalin, Hitler or Pol Pot. How can we as a society decry the use of gangs of armed thugs and secret police to suppress dissent in Iran, while applauding the same tactics in Toronto?

We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!

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Taking over the asylum - an announcement

So, you've finally had it with TV News and big media empire newspapers that exist mainly to satisfy the egos of rich plutocrats and give car dealers and real estate salesmen a place to hawk their wares.
Talk radio either puts you to sleep ("Sure, it's January Canada and your yard has two feet of snow in it, but we're going to spend the next four hours with our gardening expert, taking your calls - hello Gordie from Kapuskasing, you're on the air!") or makes you wonder what the hell is wrong with some people ("Welcome to the red, white, and blue patriot hour , I'm your host -  the greatest living American - Lush Bimbo! Liebrals are stooooopid! Hurrah for Freedom! Eeeek, dusky islamomarxianarchists! I am NOT a racist, now let me tell you some "jokes" about Obama, fried chicken and watermelon!  Blar-har-har! Let's take America back! Fluoridation is a homosexual plot to take America off the gold standard again and make us all have abortions and speak French! Buy my "book"! Hurrah for anyone in uniform, even the UPS guys! USA! USA!").
You are pretty much fed up with most of the editorial page gang of mealy mouthed equivocators, gasbags, faux curmudgeons, half-bright contrarians and the publisher's schoolchums telling you that "both sides do it, sure there's a problem but it's too complicated to fix and ooooh! look shiny object! Shiny Object!!!"

Yeah, I know what you mean. And I work in that industry.

There is an antidote to the inane and insane. Think of it as Our Media Not Theirs.

Look over on the sidebar, under the radio. What, you may ask, is that doohickey? What the heck is Virtually Speaking?

That doohickey is the your ticket out of the commentary ghetto of mass media bloviations.

Once upon a time, a bunch of people who went through what you are going through now, decided that since it would be very bad form and probably illegal to actually fill the Meet the Press studio from floor to ceiling with real horse manure during a broadcast, no matter how good it might feel,  and so they really wanted an alternative. They wanted a talk show, just like the ones on the TV networks, but with smart, funny, interesting people willing to express an actual opinion and take part in a discussion about ideas instead of meat puppets burping up sound bites at each other. Where would they find these smart, funny, interesting people? It was a puzzlement. Then, one day, a couple of smart, funny, interesting people were doing what they usually did - reading blogs - and it dawned on them that there were lots of other smart, funny, interesting people reading and writing blogs and doing journalism on the internet or even in traditional media outside the Washington Beltway Village and hey, wouldn't it be great if you could get a few of them together to be smart, funny and interesting in real time instead of having them type everything and crosspost and link and html the life out of the discussion. Besides which, most bloggers are attention whores who will do anything if they think it means people will listen to them always willing to work for free for a good cause.
And thus Virtually Speaking was born.
A live audience in the Second Life cartoon universe sits and watches the aforementioned smart, funny, interesting people talk to each other over the Internet, while chatting among themselves and sending in questions. Other people listen to the show broadcast live over the Internet on Blogtalk Radio and some of them call in with questions or comments on the telephone. Still more people download the recorded shows as podcasts or listen to them on the Virtually Speaking webpage. And it doesn't cost anything and Rupert Murdoch, Conrad Black, Pierre Karl Peladeau and Richard Melon Scaife don't make a single cent off of it.

And those smart, funny, interesting people - just who are they anyways? Well, a partial list would include:

• • Adam Lambert
  • Alan Boyle
  • Alison Pugh
  • Andrew Hoppin
  • Andrew Maynard
  • Anthony Romero
  • Brandon Friedman
  • Bruce Schneier
  • Chris Mooney
  • Dan Froomkin
  • Darcy Burner
  • Dave Niewert
  • Dave Pollard
  • David Brin
  • David Harris
  • David Sirota
  • David Waldman/KagroX
  • Dean Baker
  • Delia Lake
  • Dorion Sagan
  • Eric Boehlert
  • Eve Pell
  • George Lakoff
  • Glenn Greenwald
  • Glenn W Smith
  • Gloria Feldt
  • Greg Dworkin/DemFromCT
  • Greg Mitchell
  • Ian Welsh
  • Ilona Meagher
  • James Fallows
  • James Poterba
  • Janine Benyus
  • Jason Starr
  • Jay Rosen
  • Jeff Sharlet
  • Jeffrey Feldman
  • Jeffrey Kaye
  • Jessica Valenti
  • John Dean
  • Jon Henke
  • Jon Henke
  • Josh Knauer
  • Joshua Rubenstein
  • Juan Cole
  • Justin Krebs
  • Karen Tumulty
  • Katie Halper
  • Katie Halper
  • Lev Grossman
  • Lynn Harris
  • Lynn Margulis
  • Maegan Carberry
  • Margo Baldwin
  • Marion Nestle
  • Markos Moulitsas
  • Marshall Thompson
  • Marty Klein
  • Mason Tvert
  • Matt Stoller
  • Matthew Rothschild
  • Max Blumenthal
  • Max Blumenthal
  • Mike Connery
  • Mike Lux
  • Ned Lamont
  • Olivier Knox
  • PZ Myers
  • Rick Perlstein
  • Riki Ott
  • Sam Seder
  • Shelby Knox
  • Spocko
  • Stirling Newberry
  • Terry Bisson
  • Tim Wu
  • Tom Boellstorff
  • Will Bunch

and of course the regular Sunday panel of bloggers, which includes in various combinations:

• Avedon Carol
• Chris Kendrick
• Cliff Schecter
• Culture of Truth
• David Dayen
• Digby
• Eve Gittelson/nyceve
• Joan McCarter
• Marcy Wheeler
• Stuart Zechmanhttp://kevinswoodshed.blogspot.com/2009/02/i-am-radical-marxist-lennonist-radio.html
• Susie Madrak
• Watertiger

And it was good. Everybody had fun, issues were discussed and snark was shared. The Second Life thing is admittedly a bit geeky, but so what? As some of you may know, my secret shame is that I am one of "those people" who spend perfectly good free time I could be spending shopping, golfing,  reading Ayn Rand, or hammering roofing nails into my forehead hanging out with a bunch of weirdos from around the world in cartoon form in my little virtual tree fort, known to the hip comrades and cool cadres of the Second Life Marxist-Lennonist Party as the Red Zeppelin.

In fact, the Red Zeppelin has been the official home of the post shop wrap party on Sundays for the better part of a year now, which means that list of smart, funny, interesting people sometimes even come by and hang out after the show and see what the cartooniverse is all about. I play music, blather a tiny bit and then we all go catch a movie off YouTube and generally make a night of it. We have fun and I've made lots of friends -- but I digress.

Why am I carrying on so about Virtually Speaking? I mean, sure, it's a great, free, progressive forum where smart people talk about important stuff in insightful ways and all, but so what, right? They are mostly Americans, talking about American politics, which, while it is my favorite spectator sport and has a huge influence on us over here on the mouse's side of the bed, doesn't have the same immediate influence on our lives as our own politics has. We muddle along with the CBC and Globe and Mail and Power & Politics and The House and our own little corner of the blogosphere and we do okay, right?
But, as with Wayne Gretzky, William Shatner, socialized medicine and the Quebec Nordique, those demon Yankees  couldn't just let us have anything nice for ourselves without taking it and getting their filthy paws all over it. Eventually, the brain trust at Virtually Speaking turned its collective gaze northward and decided that Canadians are really just liberal-ish Americans or something and maybe they could learn something from a country that was a lot like theirs, but with government health care and a lot fewer handguns. And so they decided they needed a Canadian edition in the burgeoning line up of Virtually Speaking shows.

Remember those smart, funny, interesting people? Well, I guess they ran out of them. Everyone always said I had a great face for radio, so they've asked me to host a show.

To which I could only respond "Vive la revolution de sirop d'erable!" which confused them considerably since they want the show done in "American, not whatever they speak in Europe"

The first episode of Virtually Speaking Sundays:Maple Syrup Edition will be Feb. 20. Stay tuned for further details.

I know, I know...but by the time they figure it out it will be too late. I figure the first episode will be about whether to ban the polar bear hunt in Toronto.






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Attention political strategists

This is how a new media campaign is run. This is how you make a political point in a memorable way. I don't know who the brains are behind this. I'll be amazed if it is something that the provincial NDP came up with, since it lacks their usual earnestness, but if I were in charge of any of the media stuff for any of the parties, I'd be hiring these people yesterday, if not sooner.


UPDATE: This is who commissioned the whole campaign.

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Two minutes for interference and a game misconduct for being a dick

This piece in the Toronto Star lifts up a rock and shines a light on the worst aspects of kids' sports. Briefly, asshole hockey dad decides that the his son's competitive peewee hockey team is having any fun because they aren't winning often enough, so he decides that the kid he thinks is the least talented player should either be kicked off the team or at least be given less ice time and -without the coach's approval-goes ahead and calls a meeting of the team's parents to discuss this.
I have no idea whether the player in question was the worst player on the team or not, but since this is a competitive team, the player did have to try out to make the team, so they can't be that much worse than the other kids on the squad. Looking at the case in this light, the dad is just plain being a dick, right?
Well, let me add one more piece of information. The player in question was the only girl on the team.
So in addition to being a major dick, I suspect there may be more than a little sexism at play here.
As for the headline on the Toronto Star article: "Should hockey dad be 'ashamed' after girl's humiliating departure?" I would argue that he should have been ashamed well before she left and that the league should ban this clown from ever entering the arena again just on general "for the good of the sport" and "no assholes allowed" grounds. I think the coach, while not wanting to hold the asshole's son responsible for his asshole father's assholery, should at least ban said asshole from the dressing room and any other team affairs, simply on the grounds that deciding who to put on the ice and when is the decision of the coach and only the coach.

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Ever wonder what happened to real journalism?

Shannon Rupp of the Tyee has a pretty good take on what happened and how the news business came to be more about the business than the news.


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What we talk about when we talk about snark

While I greatly enjoyed this essay by John Sewell on how Toronto Mayor Rob Ford should go about cutting the fat cats off the gravy train, its pretty clear most people reading and commenting on it don"t realize it isn't any more about the police than Swift's Modest Proposal was about nutrition. However, as sharp as Sewell's razor cuts, when it comes to snark, satire and sarcasm, nothing can touch this for pure evil genius.

Letter to the Earth

by Mark Twain

Abner Scofield
Coal Dealer
Buffalo, New York

     I have the honor, as per command, to inform you that your recent act of benevolence and self-sacrifice has been recorded upon a page of the Book called Golden Deeds of Men; a distinction, I am permitted to remark, which is not merely extraordinary, it is unique.
     As regards your prayers, for the week ending the 19th, I have the honor to report as follows:
     1. For weather to advance hard coal 15 cents a ton. Granted.
     2. For influx of laborers to reduce wages 10 percent. Granted.
     3. For a break in rival soft-coal prices. Granted.
     4. For a visitation upon the man, or upon the family of the man, who has set up a competing retail coal-yard in Rochester. Granted, as follows: diphtheria, 2, 1 fatal; scarlet fever, 1, to result in deafness and imbecility, Note. This prayer should have been directed against this subordinate's principals, the N. Y. Central R. R. Co.
     5. For deportation to Sheol of annoying swarms of persons who apply daily for work, or for favors of one sort or another. Taken under advisement for later decision and compromise, this petition appearing to conflict with another one of same date, which will be cited further along.
     6. For application of some form of violent death to neighbor who threw brick at family cat, whilst the same was serenading. Reserved for consideration and compromise because of conflict with a prayer of even date to be cited further along.
     7. To "damn the missionary cause." Reserved also -- as above.
     8. To increase December profits of $22,230 to $45,000 for January, and perpetuate a proportionate monthly increase thereafter -- "which will satisfy you." The prayer granted, the added remark accepted with reservations.
     9. For cyclone, to destroy the works and fill up the mine of the North Pennsylvania Co. NOTE: Cyclones are not kept in stock in the winter season. A reliable article of firedamp can be furnished upon application.
     Especial note is made of the above list, they being of particular moment. The 298 remaining supplications classifiable under the head of Special Providences, Schedule A, for week ending 19th, are granted in a body, except that 3 of the 32 cases requiring immediate death have been modified to incurable disease.
     This completes the week's invoice of petitions known to this office under the technical designation of Secret Supplications of the Heart, and which, for a reason which may suggest itself, always receive our first and especial attention.
     The remainder of the week's invoice falls under the head of what we term Public Prayers, in which classification we place prayers uttered in Prayer Meeting, Sunday School, Class Meeting, Family Worship, etc. These kinds of prayers have value according to classification of Christian uttering them. By rule of this office, Christians are divided into two grand classes, to wit; (1) Professing Christians; (2) Professional Christians. These, in turn, are minutely subdivided and classified by Size, Species, and Family; and finally, Standing is determined by carats, the minimum being 1, the maximum 1,000.
     As per balance sheet for quarter ending Dec. 31st, 1847, you stood classified as follows:
     Grand Classification: Professing Christian.
     Size: one-fourth of maximum.
     Species: Human-Spiritual.
     Family: A of the Elect, Division 16.
     Standing: 322 carats fine.
     As per balance sheet for quarter just ended -- that is to say, forty years later -- you stand classified as follows:
     Grand Classification: Professional Christian.
     Size: six one-hundredths of maximum.
     Species: Human-Animal.
     Family: W of the Elect, Division 1547.
     Standing: 3 carats fine.
     I have the honor to call your attention to the fact that you seem to have deteriorated.
     To resume report upon your Public Prayers -- with the side remark, that in order to encourage Christians of your grade and of approximate grades, it is the custom of this office to grant many things to them which would not be granted to Christians of a higher grade -- partly because they would not be asked for:
     Prayer for weather mercifully tempered to the needs of the poor and the naked. Denied. This was a Prayer-Meeting prayer. It conflicts with Item 1 of this report, which was a Secret Supplication of the Heart. By a rigid rule of this office, certain sorts of Public Prayer of Professional Christians are forbidden to take precedence of Secret Supplications of the Heart.
     Prayer for better times and plentier food "for the hard-handed son of toil whose patient and exhausting labors make comfortable the homes, and pleasant the ways, of the more fortunate, and entitle him to our vigilant and effective protection from the wrongs and injustices which grasping avarice would do him, and to the ten dearest offices of our grateful hearts." Prayer-Meeting prayer. Refused. Conflicts with Secret Supplication of the Heart No. 2.
     Prayer "that such as in any way obstruct our preferences may be generously blessed, both themselves and their families, we here calling our hearts to witness that in their worldly prosperity we are spiritually blessed, and our joys made perfect." Prayer-Meeting prayer. Refused. Conflicts with Secret Supplications of the Heart Nos. 3 and 4.
     "Oh, let none fall heir to the pains of perdition through words or acts of ours." Family Worship. Received fifteen minutes in advance of Secret Supplication of the Heart No. 5, with which it distinctly conflicts. It is suggested that one or the other of these prayers be withdrawn, or both of them modified.
     "Be mercifully inclined toward all who would do us offense in our persons or our property." Includes man who threw brick at cat. Family Prayer. Received some minutes in advance of No. 6, Secret Supplications of the Heart. Modification suggested, to reconcile discrepancy.
     "Grant that the noble missionary cause, the most precious labor entrusted to the hands of men, may spread and prosper without let or limit in all heathen lands that do as yet reproach us with their spiritual darkness." Uninvited prayer shoved in at meeting of American Board. Received nearly half a day in advance of No. 7 Secret Supplications of the Heart. This office takes no stock in missionaries, and is not connected in any way with the American Board. We should like to grant one of these prayers, but cannot grant both. It is suggested that the American Board one be withdrawn.
     This office desires for the twentieth time to call urgent attention to your remark appended to No. 8. It is a chestnut.
     Of the 464 specifications contained in your Public Prayers for the week, and not previously noted in this report, we grant 2, and deny the rest. To wit; Granted, (1) "that the clouds may continue to perform their office; (2) and the sun his." It was the divine purpose anyhow; it will gratify you to know that you have not disturbed it. Of the 462 details refused, 61 were uttered in Sunday School. In this connection I must once more remind you that we grant no Sunday School Prayers of Professional Christians of the classification technically known in this office as the John Wanamaker grade. We merely enter them as "words," and they count to his credit according to number uttered within certain limits of time; 3,000 per quarter-minute required, or no score; 4,200 in a possible 5,000 is a quite common Sunday School score, among experts, and counts the same as two hymns and a bouquet furnished by young ladies in the assassin's cell, execution morning. Your remaining 401 details count for wind only. We bunch them and use them for head winds in retarding the ships of improper people, but it takes so many of them to make an impression that we cannot allow anything for their use.

     I desire to add a word of my own to this report. When certain sorts of people do a sizable good deed, we credit them up a thousand-fold more for it than we would in the case of a better man -- on account of the strain. You stand far away above your classification record here, because of certain self-sacrifices of yours which greatly exceed what could have been expected of you.
     Years ago, when you were worth only $100,000, and sent $2 to your impoverished cousin the widow when she appealed to you for help, there were many in heaven who were not able to believe it, and many more who believed that the money was counterfeit.
     Your character went up many degrees when it was shown that these suspicions were unfounded. A year or two later, when you sent the poor girl $4 in answer to another appeal, everybody believed it, and you were all the talk here for days together. Two years later you sent $6, upon supplication, when the widow's youngest child died, and that act made perfect your good fame. Everybody in heaven said, "Have you heard about Abner?" -- for you are now affectionately called Abner here. Your increasing donation, every two or three years, has kept your name on all lips, and warm in all hearts. All heaven watches you Sundays, as you drive to church in your handsome carriage; and when your hand retires from the contribution plate, the glad shout is heard even to the ruddy walls of remote Sheol, "Another nickel from Abner!"
     But the climax came a few days ago, when the widow wrote and said she could get a school in a far village to teach if she had $50 to get herself and her two surviving children over the long journey; and you counted up last month's clear profit from your three coal mines -- $22,230 -- and added to it the certain profit for the current month -- $45,000 and a possible fifty -- and then got down your pen and your checkbook and mailed her fifteen whole dollars!
     Ah, heaven bless and keep you forever and ever, generous heart! There was not a dry eye in the realms of bliss; and amidst the hand-shakings, and embracings, and praisinqs, the decree was thundered forth from the shining mount, that this deed should outhonor all the historic self-sacrifices of men and angels, and be recorded by itself upon a page of its own, for that the Strain of it upon you had been heavier and bitterer than the strain it costs ten thousand martyrs to yield up their lives at the fiery stake; and all said, "What is the giving up of life, to a noble soul, or to ten thousand noble souls, compared with the giving up of fifteen dollars out of the greedy grip of the meanest white man that ever lived on the face of the earth?"
     And it was a true word. And Abraham, weeping, shook out the contents of his bosom and pasted the eloquent label there, "RESERVED": and Peter, weeping, said, "He shall be received with a torchlight procession when he comes"; and then all heaven boomed, and was glad you were going there. And so was hell.

[Signed]
THE RECORDING ANGEL [SEAL]
By command

THE END

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"and then he"ll settle down in a quiet little town and forget about everything"

RIP Gerry Rafferty -- I guess he never managed to "give up the booze and the one night stands."








My oldest friend had this single and we listened to it endlessly in the summer of '78 as we hung out in his backyard, much to considerable annoyance of his neighbours, I'm sure. Stealer's Wheel was a pretty good band. And City to City is still a great record. Apparently his first band included Billy Connolly.


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Is there some kind of intelligence test you have to fail to be on FOX?

Shorter Bill O'Reilly:
"Fucking magnets - how do they work?" (for the meme-challenged, go read this)

One of my father's favorite jokes goes something like this:

"The Thermos is one of the greatest inventions of modern man and also one of the world's great mysteries. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, but how does it know?"

To you and me and my dad - and anyone else who managed to pass science class in elementary school - this is a funny joke. I suspect it might be the kind of conundrum that would keep Bill O'Reilly up all night.

I know, I know - someone on FOX News saying something stupid is so rare it only happens on days that end in a 'Y' - but big bad Bill outdid himself this week, further proving that the Enlightenment of the 17th century hasn't quite caught on in some segments of North America.



Leaving aside O'Reilly's usual abrasiveness and tendency to ask a question and then refuse to allow the guest to answer it, and his boneheaded, reducto ad absurdum insistence on blaming the victims of every con artist in history, and his eagerness to take offense at a campaign by a group of atheists that is obviously intended to provoke controversy and encourage people to admit the emperor is stark naked, let's look at his oh-so-clever dismissal of atheism.

Quoth the Billo:

"I'll tell you why [religion is] not a scam. In my opinion -- alright? Tide goes in, tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can't explain that. You can't explain why the tide goes in."

 To quote a prominent political figure "Yes, we can" - I guess Bill's unfamiliar with the old adage that it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. This is shooting fish in a barrel with a grenade launcher. I can't believe I have to point this out, but we've known how and why tides work since Newton laid it all out in 1682. Maybe this a result of Bill's antipathy toward Islam - he just doesn't trust math because it is all done with arabic numerals - or maybe he thinks gravity, like evolution is just a theory. And yet, Billo makes an obscene amount of money talking on the TV and is considered by millions to be a smarter than those pinhead liberal eggheads.

Hat tip to the Booman Tribune . 


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In which I am cited in passing

 While virtually nothing from the lengthy (and very longwinded on my part) interview she did with me made it into the story, a nice piece on who is and who isn't a real journalist by Ryerson Review of Journalism Managing Editor (Online) Michelle Medford cites my Fisking of Christie Blatchford's column on who she thinks is (Christie Blatchford and most other Globe employees) and isn't (everyone else) a journalist in light of the arrests of numerous reporters during the G20 police riots.

Ms. Medford is also an aspiring film critic who blogs at cinefilles.


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Apparently David Brooks has a new gig

 Because this piece certainly looks like his work.
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Polar bear swim 2011

It was a balmy 12 C with intermittent rain in Hamilton today-- perfect swimming weather--and so your intrepid correspondent sallies forth!

(That is not fat. What looks to the casual observer like a beer gut is actually layer upon layer of thermal padding and floatation modules - safety first! That's my story and I'm sticking to it)

Going,

going,

gone!

In the immortal words of George Castanza: "There was shrinkage"

In all honesty, while it was chilly and the water bracing, it was not, as Tom Waits describes it "colder than a gut-shot bitch wolf dog with nine sucking pups pulling a number-four trap up a hill in the dead of winter in the middle of a snowstorm with a mouth full of porcupine quills" but it was definitely in banker's smile/witch's tit/welldigger's ass territory once you got wet, though not as cold as the year in the early 90s I did it in Picton harbour through a hole in the ice in a January snowstorm.


Apologies to my wife, son and daughter who, when I said "let's go to the polar bear swim this morning," we honestly-to-god expecting this:



My daughter, who is seven, was quite concerned when I said I was going to take part in the polar bear swim on New Year's Day because she thought I might get eaten by bears.
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Happy 2011

It was a low key New Year's around the Woodshed. We have some nice take-out sushi and watched the Tribute to Paul McCartney at the White House with my parents while sipping champagne. I thought this bit was the highlight of the show:



I've written about McCartney's skills as showman before. (Even if Blogger has swallowed up the first five years of this blog, the Internet is forever). As much as he was the cute and commercial face of the Beatles, you have to hand it to Sir Paul. He has written more than 200 songs that have spent a combined total of 32 years in the charts. He's been playing this one for about 45 years and he never phones it in,



I'm off to throw myself into Hamilton Bay this afternoon. My daughter is very excited about the prospect of her father going swimming with real polar bears. My wife, at least at first, also thought we were going down to the harbour to watch actual bears swim. Just wait until I take the two of them snipe hunting next summer.

Watch the full episode. See more In Performance at The White House.

Watch the full episode. See more In Performance at The White House.

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Feel-good stories of the holidays

Via the always terrific Mock, Paper, Scissors we read of a health clinic in California that took the high road to helping the poor this Christmas. Christmas in that neck of the woods just got a lot merrier.

Hurrah for Pierre Karl Peladeau! Kinda reminds me of the last time Saddam Hussien was elected president of Iraq with 103 per cent of the vote

In other news, I'm sure you will be as shocked as I was to learn that the feds are looking into criminal charges against failed Senate candidate and attention whore Christine O'Donnell for using some of the more than $7 million in campaign funds she raised for personal spending, such as $20,000 she spent to pay rent on her Delaware town house. How long before she complains the whole thing is a witch hunt?


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