Dear Santa...
In a lighter vein, there is the list of the 25 most baffling toys

あなたの taser の氏警官との私を撃ってはいけない
(Please,don't taze me, honorable Policeman)

While I don't travel as much as I'd like to, the new requirement that I be separated from my family, photographed and fingerprinted everytime I enter Japan, despite having lived here for a decade is a bit of a pisser.

While Japan is a much more authoritarian society than Canada - I get asked to show my foreign residents registration card to the cops every so often and arrestees do not have a right to a lawyer here - and much less welcoming to foreigners, I don't think that if I pitched a fit about it in the airport I would get tasered to death within 30 seconds of the cops arriving on the scene.
While the Japanese police are well known for their distaste for foreigners, the RCMP, despite a number of scandals, have always been a police force that has set an international standard for excellence.

While the RCMP is urging people not to jump to conclusions, the video of the death of Robert Dziekanski is a pretty convincing smoking gun. I'm sure the officers involved did not intend to kill Mr. Dziekanski, but they don't seem to be too concerned with preserving his life either-- no attempt appears to have been made to perform CPR or artificial respiration on Dziekanski. Four burly cops armed with pepper spray and batons should not have to use a potentially lethal weapon to subdue a man who was unarmed and not attacking them. My impression, given the speed with which the decision to use the taser was made, is that they just didn't want to get their hands dirty or bother spending time trying to calm the irate foriegner down.

These officers deserve to face manslaughter charges in court. If it turns out the RCMP has armed their officers with tasers without proper training and protocols being laid down, then whoever made that decision should be considered an accessory in this unlawful death. A taser is a useful weapon in the police arsenal, but should be a second-to-last resort, not just a convenient way to dispatch troublesome suspects.

Why the hell was this man allowed to hang around the luggage collection area for TEN HOURS without someone trying to guide him toward the arrivals exit? I know Canadian standards are not usually ranked as the pinnacle of customer service, but ten hours without someone finding a translator or simply guiding him toward the exit? Shit, I'd have been furious too, but I not expect to be tasered simply because I had had a temper tantrum.

If a group of mall security guards had done this to some school teacher or stockbroker angry that he couldn't get a refund on defective a set of Pings at the Golf Shoppe, they'd be in jail before the body was cold, not "reassigned" after a month.

If an angry man with a pair of submachine guns can be taken into custody by an unarmed former soldier, why was it necessary to subject Mr. Dziekanski to potentially lethal force less than a minute after confronting him?

Sam Steele would have the four officers involved in cuffs by now. Their conduct was disgraceful and they do not deserve the protection of their fellow officers.

For more, see the Galloping Beaver and Dr. Dawg

Possibly the funniest thing I 've ever seen


I remember seeing this when it first aired back in 1992. Cherry, for all his rampant fear and loathing of teh gay, was a reasonably good sport about being ambushed by the Kids in the Hall's Scott Thompson.
Sadly the goodby kiss between Scott Thompson and Don Cherry is not included here, it came after the commercial break - Don was a good sport about it, but you could tell he'd rather coach the Swedish national team.

Words fail me

A new meaning for the phrase "On yer bike"

Bike sex man placed on probation

Cleaners caught Mr Stewart simulating sex with a
bike

A man caught trying to have sex with his bicycle has been sentenced to three years on probation.
Robert Stewart, 51, admitted a sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex.
Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years.

Dedicated with love (but not quite that much love) to Rick and Katy and the gang at the Bloomfield Bicycle Company

Crappy News Network
I try to avoid CNN, really I do- we even switched cable providers at home a few weeks ago so I could watch BBC - but working in the media it is kind of an occupational hazard, especially over here where senior management are so technophobic they can't read the New York Times online and allow it to set the news agenda like every other newspaper in North America does. Nope, we have CNN, and the BBC along with a slew of Japanese TV news on the TV sets in our office 24/7 and believe you me, if something is the top story on CNN, it is gonna be on our front page more often than not.

Which is not always a bad thing since Japanese news tends to be insular and sometimes ignore big foreign stories, or at least those that don't occur in the United States, a trait we sometimes share with CNN, but that's a different post.

We had a slow morning in the office the other day, so I actually got to watch CNN Japan, almost uninterrupted for a couple of hours. But without sound, which means I had to rely on who was on the screen and what the annoying little on screen graphics said.

First, there was the perfect storm of irrelevancy that was Larry King. King used to be a respectable media personality, verging on a journalist when he was on late night radio inLos Angeles, but his long-running show on CNN has long been a forum for softball questions, celebrity confessionals and general crapola. The show I saw was by any measure the epitome of uselessness. Larry King 'interviewing' professional loudmouth "Judge Judy" and the subtitle really said it all: " Judge Judy discusses Dog the Bounty Hunter, Oprah's School Scandal, Brittany and More" -- now excessive needless capitalization aside, is this not a laundry list of what is wrong with public discourse in America? We have a walking corpse interviewing a loudmouthed middle-aged professional scold about the most meaningless issues of the day. Believe me the "and more" was not a nuanced discussion of U.S. policy in the middle east or a discourse on the philosophical nature of truth.

In fact, it was a lengthy discussion about the death of the mother of hip hop pop star Kanye West following cosmetic surgery.

Now before you chastise me for criticizing CNN for the content of the Larry King show, which despite its journalistic pretensions is acknowledged to be mainly a venue for celebrity gossip, confessionals and stupidity (the rest of the week's schedule includes interviews with Donnie and Marie Osmond, soap opera star Hunter Tylo on the drowning death of her son last month, and fraudulent psychics John Edwards and James Van Praagh on how they talk to the dead- anyone else smell Pulitzer?) let me hasten to point out that following Larry King, viewers were treated to a headline news update that lasted all of 2 minutes and was presented as far I could tell, by a supermodel.

Not to worry, in an effort to balance the lighter-than-helium nature of Larry King's PR fest, CNN then presented hard-hitting journalism from none other than Gloria "Poor Little Rich Girl" Vanderbilt's offspring andspokesmodel Anderson Cooper. Anderson has carved out a name for himself as a newsman -- he went to New Orleans during the aftermath of Katrina, he's been to Iraq -- and so I was not at all surprised that the first 20 minutes of his program was devoted to the most important issue of the day: The death of Kanye West's mother following cosmetic surgery. And before all you cynics go bad mouthing a respected international journalist like Anderson Cooper, let me point out that the report also discussed the popularity of plastic surgery in the United States with polls showing how many people found it acceptable and interview with plastic surgeons about how simple and safe it was to have your nose fixed, your tummy tucked or your face lifted. Take that you naysayers!

This was followed by 2o minutes on how both DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFUL DennisKucinich and FORMER DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENT Jimmy Carter both claim to have seen UFOs at some point in their life. While discussing how these two politicians are willing to talk about how they once saw something in the sky that they could not identify, no mention was made of the three Republican presidential candidates who deny evolution or the fact that the current serving president claims that a magic sky-wizard talks to him and chose him to be president. Clearly its thesemoonbat Democrats who can't be sure what they saw in the night sky that are crazy.

I know, it sounds like maybe this was just a slow news week and Anderson had to fill time with something. The next segment was AC 360 Raw Politics with political expert Tom Foreman, who must be a plugged-in expert on everything that is happening on the American Political Scene since he gives his reports with a slightly bug-eyed exhausted/exasperated demeanor ("darn those politicians, can you believe what they've done now?") and with his necktie at half-mast. It's news US voters can use, despite the fact that not a single segment in the 2 minute feature runs over 20 seconds and that the segments tend to focus on such burning issues as who was and was not wearing a flag pin this week and whether or not Hillary's assistant is good-looking enough or "too" good-looking if you know what I mean.

Oh but finally Anderson make up for the fluff with a hard hitting segment about a case that many Americans may not be aware of: The confusing and controversial - gosh darn it we just don' know what to think - case of brown person and "alleged torture victim"Mahar Arar, who was flying to his native Canada through the United States when he was detained and deported to his native the country his family comes from, Syria, for being suspected of links to terrorism or something -- we don't know what since the U.S. refuses to disclose why he was sent to Syria, which promised, really, they crossed their hearts and hoped to die, that they wouldn't torture him (nudge, nudge, wink wink, say no more) for whatever it was he might have done. A few years and several million in compensation later, the Canadian government has apologized to Mr. Arar for erroneously suggesting that he might have had connections to terrorists, but the US still has him on their no fly list and will not apologize for sending him to be tortured in Syria. (No , I'm not going to provide links to support my statements here, there is so much out there you can google it yourself) Anyways, the gist of the story seemed to be that this alleged torture victim and foreign brown person wants an apology from the United States for the way they treated him. I mean, really how wacky are these brown-skinned foreigners? Does he really think that the United States of America is going to apologize to someone who had the nerve to fly through theUS enroute to another country they were a citizen of, just because the United States of America -land of the free and home of the brave- had them sent to a third world hell hole to be tortured for no apparent reason and still claim, despite mea culpas from the people who accused him, that he is a terrorist? Please, the administration has other people to needlessly torture for information they don't have priorities.

I'm sure that Anderson would have gotten to the bottom of the "alleged" injustices done to Mr. Arar, but there just wasn't time, because before the end of the hour he had to get to "the Shot" the regular feature that celebrates the best piece of photo journalism available to CNN that day. The day I watched, "The Shot" consisted of footage of a wild kangaroo loose in the Melbourne suburbs and a polar bear swimming in a tank at a zoo. Thank God that America was able to see these vital images before the final 30 minutes of AC 360, in which we revisited the story of Kanye West's dead mother and more "Raw Politics" campaign gossip.

And that is not even mentioningLou Dobbs or Glen Beck, both of whose crimes against the truth, humanity and simple decency are dealt with elsewhere in abundance .

Screw Richard Dawkins, the continuing existence of Atlanta and lack of a meteor strike on CNN HQ is really all the proof you need that there is no God.

Gunpowder, treason and plot - hurrah!
Okay, so I'm a couple of days late with it, but here's a thought provoking look at Guy Fawkes Day.

The envelope please

Kevin Drum at the Washington Monthly has been running a poll to determine the wingnuttiest blog post of the last few years. 22,000 votes later the winner by a comfortable margin is the man who calls himself AssHindrocket who on July 28, 2005, achieved immortality in the annals of stupid with the following:

"It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and
brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile."

Speaking of awards, the Galloping Beaver is a finalist for best blog in our traffic class in the 2007 Weblog awards put together by Wizbang. Votes continues until Nov. 8. We are currently losing to a Brooklyn College professor who is obsessed with the Duke University lacrosse team rape case. You can vote once a day until then, so click the link and do the right thing.

Stephen Harper: If he bleeds us, is he not a prick?
Nice column by Susan Riley in yesterday's Ottawa Citizen that pretty much nails the mindset of the Conservatives. They are bullies, plain and simple

Big Boys don't cry...much
Damn you, Stuart Mclean.

Since reaching adulthood, I am not easily moved to tears - I don't cry at weddings, or even at funerals usually. I'm not one of those people who gets misty eyed at graduations or retirement speeches or that weeps at television dramas or movies (except Old Yeller - Anyone who doesn't get choked up at the end of Old Yeller is a soulless frickin' android as far as I'm concerned). I don't cry when I get stressed out, tired, depressed, disappointed or angry. I am not generally a crier.

Don't get me wrong, I am not some sort of emotional cripple without feelings. I am often very emotional, I just don't shed tears. And I am not necessarily condemning those who do cry often and publically, whether at weddings or Julia Roberts movies or where ever (except those who still cry about the "tragedy" of Princess Diana - get a grip). I don't think it's wrong for men to cry or anything like that, I just don't do it much.

I'm fairly cynical when it comes to the media and twenty year of newspaper work has left me a bit of a thick skin. You do enough stories about children with cancer or people dying too young and you get a little less emotional about it over time I'm also a little uncomfortable with public displays of grief or other strong emotion-- I come from solid WASP stock, stiff upper lip and all that. My people just aren't that demonstrative in public. Growing up I sometimes thought most of my family would sooner lose a limb than make a public scene.

It isn't that my buttons can't be pushed -- See my earlier comment on Old Yeller. My kids know better than to ask me to read "Hachiko" or The Velveteen Rabbit (or as my daughter calls it: "Dad's crying book") to them at bedtime. Movies don't usually get me as I can usually see the emotional manipulation coming and avoid any tawdry attempt to tug the heartstrings. I've occasionally teared up at TV news reports about children killed or wounded in Iraq.

But lately, I've been bawling like a baby once a week.Which brings me back to Stuart Mclean.


For those who don't know his radio show and books about the world's smallest record store - the Vinyl Cafe - its proprieter Dave, his wife Morley and their children Stephanie and Sam, the closest comparision I can think of is Garrison Keillor's tales of Lake Wobegon. Both are great radio: audio situation comedies of error that delve into the characters inner lives as only radio and print media can, delivered in a dry deadpan, and both occupy a similar cultural niche. Where Keillor focuses on the doings of a small town and his own personal reminiscences and is often larded with nostalgia, McLean tends to focus on family dynamics, neighbors and the characters' personal stories. I enjoy Keillor a great deal and listen to the news from Lake Wobegon "Where the women are strong, the men are good-looking and all the children are above average" on podcast every week.

I listen to the Vinyl Cafe too, but I am going to have to stop listening to it on the train because of goddamn Stuart Mclean.

He makes me cry.

Every single goddamned week.

And it isn't like he cleverly sneaks in some crafty emotional manipulation or touchy-feely device or sets up some lachrymose maudlin scene. There no trite Paul Harvey moment ("And that little boy who liked to drop water balloons from the church steeple grew up to be Curtis LeMay...and now you know the rest of the story") I can see it coming a mile away. I know where the story is going - I know Dave is going to give Stephanie's old stuffed velor bunny to the little neighbour girl to help her get rid of her nightmares. I know Sam is going to kiss the Quebecois girl he meets on the grade eight class trip. I know Stephanie is going to suddenly become attached to the elderly great aunt she spends a holiday with in London. I know Dave and Morely's anniversary canoe trip will be a disaster they will cherish.

I'm not sure how the rotten bastard does, but he does it to me every single time I listen.

Maybe it's the commonplace, slice-of-life nature of the stories. You can identify with the characters because they are so mundane. They are the people next door. They are just like you and me - they aren't rock stars or astronauts or billionaires. They aren't trying to save the world, they are just trying to deal with everyday concerns like missing the little girl who's gone off to college or trying to catch up with the rest of the class after getting left behind by the bus on a trip to Quebec city or learning about the family history or celebrating an anniversary.
All I know is that about two minutes into most of Mclean's stories I say to myself, "shit, he's gonna do it to me again" and sure enough about 15 minutes later the waterworks start andI'm like Ed Norton in the first part of Fight Club.

But they are big, manly, macho tears. Honest.

As for Stuart Mclean, go buy his stuff or download the podcasts

Bring it on Steverino!
Shorter Stephen Harper: Don't ask about our dirty laundry and we won't ask about yours.
Shorter Liberals: We have nothing left to hide, bring it on.
Could Dion finally have grown a pair?

Ethnic cleansing
Pathetic,　not-so-stealthy separatism - that is what Quebec's bill 195 amounts to. While it is unlikely to be passed into law, the bill the PQ have introduced is clearly aimed at quashing "money and the ethnic vote" the next time there is provincial election, ensuring only pure laine Quebecois get to vote. The assumption being that they will vote for the PQ agenda of whatever form of sovereignty-freeloading association they come up with the next time. This is pure and simple racism and completely unconstitutional, and anyone in Canadian politics that says different is either a separatist, or a scumbag who is trying to win the votes of separatists by siding with them.
Quebec is a province of Canada, it is not a separate republic and has no need for it own constitution or citizenship requirements. Thanks a lot Stephen Harper.
More here here here

Even the paranoid have enemies

Dave already has a post on this up at the Galloping Beaver but I thought I might as well put it up here too, as this is a story that really deserves a lot more attention than it has been getting.

Remember back at the end of August when a bunch of nukes were "mistakenly" put on a B-52 and flown from one air base to another. Well, the USAF has now explained it was all a big whoops and punished a few people involved. So, there's nothing to see here, move along folks. Look, Britney Spears has a new album out!

Read this piece over at the Smirking Chimp and start demanding some answers.

The problem with this explanation for the first reported case of nukes being removed from a weapons bunker without authorization in 50 years of nuclear weapons, is that those warheads, and all nuclear warheads in the US stockpile, are supposedly protected against unauthorized transport or removal from bunkers by electronic antitheft systems--automated alarms similar to those used by department stores to prevent theft, and even anti-motion sensors that go off if a weapon is touched or approached without authorization.

While the Air Force report doesn't mention any of this, what it means is that if weapons in a storage bunker are protected against unauthorized removal, someone--and actually at least two people, since it's long been a basic part of nuclear security that every action involving a nuclear weapon has to be done by two people working in tandem--had to deliberately and consciously disable those alarms.

Now, I'm not a conspiracy freak or anything of the sort. I believe we did land on the moon, that the World Trade Center was brought down by crashing jets, that the Bilderberg group is just a high level coffee klatch and that the Freemasons are just a social club that does some nice charity work. This bit definitely raises some eyebrows though:

* Why hasn't the Air Force or the FBI investigated the 6-8 untimely deaths including three alleged suicides, one of a Minot weapons guard, one of an assistant defense secretary, and one of a captain in the super-secret Air Force Special Commando Group, as well as alleged fatal vehicle "accidents" involving four ground crew and B-52 pilots and crewmembers at Minot and Barksdale? Could any of this strange cluster of deaths have been related to the incident? The Air Force "investigation" didn't even mention these incidents, and as I disclosed in my article, none of the police investigators or medical examiners in those incidents had even been contacted by Air Force or other federal investigators.

Now I'm not willing to go the whole nine yard the author of the article does and attribute the whole thing to Dick Cheney planning to use the nukes to stage a false flag strike on the US to start a war with Iran, but if it wasn't him it had to be someone that has some pull, because you don't just check out nuclear warheads like they were the latest new release at Blockbuster Video. The whole thing is a little too Seven Days in May for my liking

Human Tetris
This one goes out to Dave from Jim Dandy Goodness, who loves to see the goofy side of Japan

For Post-Halloween Withdrawal
Oooooooh! scary stuff kids. Betcha didn't know Bergman made horror films, well neither did Count Floyd. All that existential angst and depression, wow, that's really scary!
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dwWXr0qCC1M

Weekend blues
See that guy on the left doing the singing - that's "my caucasian" Mike Daley. Sure he's a big rock star now, but I knew him back in Burlington when his nickname was Beatle. Oh, and the guy sitting down? Jeff 'Freakin'' Healy, who obviously rocks, despite that whole "Roadhouse" thing.
Whipping Post!

Regrets, he's had a few
I missed this one last week as I was busy blowing out birthday candles before the kitchen caught fire, but apparently Conrad Black regrets giving up his Canadian citizenship.

Black, who might have faced a lighter sentence if he'd been tried in Canada, admitted to Men's Vogue that he wished he hadn't surrendered his Canadian citizenship -- after a public battle of wills with former prime minister Jean Chretien -- to take up a seat in the House of Lords.
"I do regret giving up my Canadian citizenship," he said, "but I always said I would
take it back."

Well, boo-frickin'-hoo yer lordship, I guess the House of Lords kind of regrets it too. I mean, really, when you get turfed from the Conservative side of the House of Lords for being an arrogant, autocratic robber baron and crook maybe its time to rein in the hubris just a smidgen. As for your Canadian citizenship, which you happily tossed aside to become a titled foreign aristocrat, you might be willing to "take it back" but I don't see the line forming to sign the petition to make you an offer.

Black is to be sentenced on Nov. 30. for obstruction of justice and three counts of mail fraud. He faces a maximum of 35 years in federal prison. Start chilling the champagne.

You can't tell the truth about me, I'll sue!

Many thanks to Zorpheous of the Wingnutterer for the graphic and to Impolitical for the story. What a bunch of pathetic crybabies.

hallelujah!

From Crackle: Mr. Deity and the Intel - Season 2, Ep 1

If you missed season on of this great Web series, you can find them on Youtube and on itunes

Things you should read

The Editors give you the skinny on the Pam Atlas Juggs vs. Chuckie "little green balls" Johnson blogging bun fight and mud-wrassle:

S,N!: Members of the not-insane community tell us that it really has been astonishing to see Oshry, Johnson and their assorted venal hangers-on attack each other with the rapacity they normally reserve for rational people.
DA: Well, it’s sort of like watching piranhas being ripped to shreds by locusts as they skeletonize a pack of hyenas who are polishing off the last few crumbs of the Manson Family. Terrifying, yet one can’t look away.

Dave Neiwert at Orcinus is one of those blogs everyone should read every day and send money to regularly. Lately, he's been slapping TV and radio muttonhead Glen Beck around over his comments on the fires in California. He's on the blogroll, check him out.

Meanwhile, back in The County

Apparently things have changed in Picton since I lived there. I can't believe these folks managed to get a business licence out of the greybeards that used to run The County. Not that there weren't plenty of uh..."hemp" fans around. As I recall it was a major local cash crop...I wonder how much of the product they source locally? Operation County indeed.