Palm, meet forehead

In a week when one of the main stories in the news was about a man walking into a church in Kansas, pulling out a handgun and shooting another man dead at the behest of his coreligionists, to say nothing of other similar incidents of murder in houses of worship over the past while, we find that satire has been wholly overwhelmed by the assault of reality.

Pastor Organizes Gun Celebration at Church
Gun Control
Advocates Oppose Pastor Ken Pagano's 'Open Carry Celebration'
By EMILY FRIEDMAN

June 5, 2009
A pastor in Kentucky is redefining the tradition of wearing your Sunday best to services by encouraging his congregation to strap on holsters and bring their weapons to church.
Pastor Ken Pagano has organized an "Open Carry Celebration" in late June where he encourages members of his Christian church to bring their handguns to services. Pastor Ken Pagano of New Bethel Church in Louisville, Ky., says that he organized an "Open Carry Celebration" to promote responsible gun ownership.
"As a Christian pastor I believe that without a deep-seeded belief in God and firearms that this country would not be here," Pagano told ABCNews.com. "I'm not ashamed of that fact. I'm proud of it."
The celebration scheduled for Sunday, June 27, will feature YouTube videos promoting gun safety and will ask congregants to join in singing patriotic songs, according to Pagano.
A $1 raffle to win a free handgun will also be part of the festivities.

If anyone is looking for me, I'll be in the bar drinking heavily with Satire and Parody - Irony has promised to buy the first few rounds..

Three hots and a cot --Not!

Apparently feeding prisoners is become too expensive for some prison systems in the U.S., so they've decided to cut back a bit, by dropping lunch from the program.

Georgia now only feeds inmates lunch on the four days a week that they work. The state prison system switched to ten hour work days four days a week as a money saving move. Here is the menu for no-lunch Fridays Since this is the menu released by the prison system I think its safe to assume that this is as good as the menu gets for inmates. (parenthetical comments are mine)

Breakfast:

• Scrambled eggs (probably safe to assume these would be powdered eggs)
  
• Grits
  
• Corn Muffins
  
• Bran cereal
  
• Pineapple beverage ( the linked article notes that many states are cutting back on fresh fruit to save money. In Alabama inmates get an apple or an orange once a week.)
  
• Margarine (this is a menu item? Is ketchup a vegetable again?)
  
• Coffee
  
• Milk (as noted in the linked article, may states are cutting back on milk to save money. In Alabama inmates get three servings a week, in Tennessee they have gone from twice a day to once a day)
  

Dinner:

• Chicken and biscuits (I'm betting on a drumstick and a thigh and no more than two bicuits - and I notice there is no margarine for the biscuits on the menu. Update - via email I learn that chicken and biscuits is more likely a chicken stew with dumplings and chunks of processed "chicken-like" meat product - a h/t to the best book page editor I know)
  
• Turnip greens
  
• Tossed salad (I'd have thought this came later in the privacy of one's cell, not right there in the dining hall)
  
• Vinegar and oil dressing
  
• Mashed potatoes (again, I have no doubt these are the powdered type)
  
• Spice cake
  
• Iced tea
  

Portions are supposedly larger on days when only two meals are served.

Now, I'm not saying that inmates should eat like kings or anything, but there should be some sort of minimum standard. In the Georgia State Prison system male inmates get 2,800 calories a day and female inmates get 2,300, but I suspect most of those calories come from powdered mashed potatoes and the like.

Still, it sounds better than some of the country lock-ups:

Federal Judge Arrests Ala. Sheriff Over Jail Food
DECATUR, Ala. (AP) ― A federal judge ordered an Alabama sheriff locked up in his own jail Wednesday after holding him in contempt for failing to adequately feed inmates while profiting from the skimpy meals. U.S. District Judge U.W. Clemon had court security arrest Morgan County Sheriff Greg Bartlett at the end of a hearing that produced dramatic testimony from skinny prisoners about paper-thin bologna and cold grits.

Bartlett had no comment as he was led from the courtroom. His attorney, Donald Rhead, said he believes the sheriff will be kept away from other inmates and hopes he will be quickly eleased.The sheriff, who showed no emotion when his arrest was ordered, had testified that he legally pocketed about $212,000 over three years with surplus meal money but denied that inmates were improperly fed.

Sheriffs in 55 of Alabama's 67 counties operate under the system allowing them to make money operating their jail kitchens. The law pays sheriffs $1.75 a day for each prisoner they house and lets the elected officers pocket any profit they can generate.

(snip, snip, snip)

The law doesn't require the money to be spent at the jail or within the department; sheriffs can keep it as personal income. They historically have provided little information about profits, so the hearing offered a rare look into a practice that dates back to the Depression.
At the hearing, 10 prisoners told Clemon meals are so small that they're forced to buy snacks from a for-profit store the jailers operate. Most of the inmates appeared thin, with baggy jail coveralls hanging off their frames.Some testified they spent hundreds of dollars a month at the store, which Bartlett said generates profits used for training and equipment.
Inmates told of getting half an egg, a spoonful of oatmeal and one piece of toast most days at their 3 a.m. daily breakfast. Lunch is usually a handful of chips and two sandwiches with barely enough peanut butter to taste..

From the CNN version of the story:

However, Clemon wrote in court documents that a typical breakfast for county inmates was a serving of grits or unsweetened oatmeal; half an egg or less, sometimes cold; a slice of white bread; and unsweetened tea or a beverage such as Kool-Aid.
Lunch was either two peanut butter or bologna sandwiches, "with a small amount of peanut butter or an exceedingly thin" slice of bologna between two slices of white bread; a small bag of corn chips; and flavored water or unsweetened tea.
A typical dinner was two hot dogs or meat patties; a slice of bread; and mixed vegetables or baked beans, the judge wrote. At times, when chicken was served, it was undercooked and pink, Clemon said. Salt, pepper, sugar or other condiments were not provided; they must be purchased by inmates at the jail store.
Inmates never receive milk, Clemon said, and receive fruit only three or four times a year.

Both stories make mention of the Sheriff bragging about how he tried to offer the inmates some variety in their diet. He split the $1,000 cost of a truck load of corn dogs with another country sheriff and the inmates were apparently fed corn dogs morning, noon and night until they had eaten their way through the tractor-trailer load. If a parent fed a child like this to save money to spend on themselves, it would be considered neglect.
And lets not even get started on privately run prisons.
I bet Conrad Black is eating a lot better than this.

sunday papers

• At last a lazy morning to peruse the news and what to my wondering eyes does appear but Stephen Harper's scofflaw government getting its arse handed to it yet again for it unmitigated bullshittery in the case of  Abousfian Abdelrazik.  The spooks at CSIS are looking worse and worse in this and other cases too, with the judge ruling that CSIS had Abdelrazik picked up by the Sudanese, knowing he would be tortured. Thomas Walkom has a good column on the pattern of the Harper government flouting the law when it comes to sucking up to the U.S. over their war on the human rights of people they don't like, and the Mop & Pail has an editorial to the same effect.
• A nicely done, but depressing piece in the Toronto Star on how Ontario schools are shafting problem kids. It's the start of a series, so stay tuned.
• Canadians may not want an election this summer, but the pollsters say two-thirds of us want someone other than the Conservatives in charge. 
• The conservatives are proposing mandatory minimum sentences for drug crimes and idiot Liberals having swallowed the "we must not look soft on crime" bait, are going to back them. This didn't work when Ronald Reagan introduced it in the '80s - it led to the current situation in which the United States jails five times as many people as that paragon of anarchic freedom, The People Republic of China.  Being wrong is apparently no reason to change your approach so the Conservatives will keep blowing holes in the bottom of the boat, hoping this one will finally let the the water out.
• Because being in Stephen Harper's Cabinet means never being able to say you made a mistake. Maybe there's a 26-year-old aide somewhere that Harper can pin the economy on.
• The last time this happened, I ended up moving to Japan to find a job. Guess what? They aren't hiring over here either this time.
• Virgina now hip-deep in crazy, with levels not yet at peak: Newt Gingrich and Mike Huckabee address a crowd of the faithful at Rock Church in Virgina Beach, causing even the Iranian Ayatollahs and Israeli ultra-orthodox Zionists to agree on something at last - Many Americans are clearly as mentally impaired as rodents found in lavatories. Some highlights of the speeches:

  "The notion that we are just one of many among equals is nonsense," Huckabee said. The United States is a "blessed" nation, he said, calling American revolutionaries' defeat of the British empire "a miracle from God's hand."

  "I am not a citizen of the world," said Gingrich, who was first elected to the U.S. House from Georgia in 1978 and served as speaker from 1995 to 1999. "I am a citizen of the United States because only in the United States does citizenship start with our creator."

   

uke fight!

A little dark early summer humor - but those damn birds are like feathered rats.

The cover by the lovely and talented Ms. Lewis:

The unbeatable original by the world's funniest math professor:

and a little bonus for anyone studying for that nasty chemistry final

I may move back just to vote against these jerks

As a Canadian who has lived outside of Canada for a dozen years (and yes Mom, we are coming back eventually, honest) this kind of headline turns my blood to frozen concrete.

Ottawa says it has no duty to protect Canadians outside country

A lot has been done to help Khadr in Guantanamo: Justice Department

By JANICE TIBBETTS, Canwest News
ServiceJune 3, 2009

Canada's legal duty to protect its citizens, even children, ends at the border and there is nothing in domestic or international law that obliges the government to seek Omar Khadr's repatriation, say federal arguments filed in court.
The government contends it has done plenty to ensure the "well-being" of the Guantanamo Bay detainee - from supplying him with magazines to ensuring he receives medical treatment and facilitating contact with his family - and any further protection is at the discretion of the state, not the courts.

This is not happy-making news for all us expats, especially those of us who live in countries where "the usual suspects" means anybody foreign.
This could mean I am one misunderstanding away from life imprisonment since the government of Canada doesn't feel that they have any duty to assist me in any way should the police pick me up and imprison me for any reason at all.
And that does happen in a lot of countries. Police in Tokyo routinely stop foreigners riding bicycles to confirm the bike isn't stolen. Bikes here are supposed to be registered and usually carry a sticker with the owner's name - and if your bike happens to be registered in your Japanese wife's name, well, welcome to jail in Japan, where you don't have a right to a lawyer during police interrogation and are not even officially presumed innocent. This hasn't happened to me, but it does happen.
And that's in Japan, a nice civilized G8 country. Anyone care to try their luck in Central America or Africa or Saudi Arabia without any assistance from "Canada's New Government"?

RIP - Koko Taylor

Koko Taylor more than once said she hoped that when she died, it would be on stage, doing the thing she loved most: Singing the blues.

She nearly got her wish. The Chicago musical icon died Wednesday at age 80 of complications from gastrointestinal surgery less than four weeks after her last performance, at the Blues Music Awards in Memphis, Tenn. There she collected her record 29th Blues Music Award, capping an era in which she became the most revered female blues vocalist of her time with signature hits "Wang Dang Doodle," "I'm a Woman" and "Hey Bartender."
Taylor died at Northwestern Memorial Hospital 15 days after her May 19 surgery. She appeared to be recovering until taking a turn for the worst Wednesday morning, and was with friends and family when she died.

I had the very great pleasure of interviewing the Queen of the Blues two summers ago - she was humble, gracious and even flirted with me. I saw her perform a few weeks later in Tokyo and at 78 she still had the pipes to blow the band off the stage.

Religion of peace, my ass

"A man with 'political and religious motives' killed a soldier just out of basic training and wounded another Monday in a targeted attack on a military recruiting center, police said."...

When is the United States going to realize that they really do have a gun problem? And when is the world going to realize it has a religion problem?

Abdulhakim Mujahid Muhammad -- a 24-year-old Little Rock resident formerly known as Carlos Bledsoe -- faces a first-degree murder charge and 15 counts of engaging in a terrorist act, Little Rock Police Chief Stuart Thomas said. The terrorist counts stem from the shots fired at an occupied building.
While authorities continued to investigate a motive, Thomas said Muhammad is a Muslim convert and, based on preliminary interviews with him, investigators believe there were "political and religious motives" in the shooting.
Military officials initially believed the shooting was a random act, but Thomas said police believe the shooter acted alone "with the specific purpose of targeting military personnel."

None are so zealous as the converted I suppose. From the looks of things at this point it woould appear that the shooter is an African-American man who has been born and bred in the United States and spent his formative years in the shadow of the 9/11 attacks. The last eight years have not exactly been a time that has made Islam look attractive to Americans, so I'm curious to know how he came to convert. This is complete speculation, but given the number of African-American men recruited by the Nation of Islam in the prison system, I'm wondering if this guy had previously done time and that was where he came in contact with Islam. I'm guessing he probably didn't grow up with a poster of Osama Bin Laden on his wall or anything, but who knows?

While a very devout fundementalist Muslim may well have reason to dislike the US Army, I don't think the Koran says anything praising the ambush murder of unarmed foes. So much for this "Religion of Peace" -- the real problem is that fundementalist religion of any stripe seems to bring out the worst in human beings. Having military-style weaponry easily available doesn't make the crazy stew any less poisonous either.

One headline I don't think we are ever going to see is "Atheist bludgeons six to death at local library"

Interesting that this was instantly treated as terrorism - which it is - but the shooting of George Tiller was not.

UPDATE!!!

Dr. Roy is very, very concerned about whether "Teh Left" will denounce this cowardly attack on the brave soldiers of our ally (h/t Canadian Cynic) because normally, you know, we lefty-types are busy high-fivin' each other when religious fundementalist whackjobs murder people.

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