"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Monday, February 25, 2008

Post 999

There will be no post 1,000 until the counter clicks over 40,000 visits. At which point the planets will align in harmonic convergence, peace will reign in the Mideast, cats and dogs will start living together, my boss will get goiters and I will remodel this joint. And there will be music and t-shirts and possibly a nice dry martini at the end of the day.
Until then......well, you know the line
Blog held hostage: Day 1
As the hits continue to trickle in, (just another 630 to go as of this writing) planning moves ahead for the renovation - any suggestions for additions to the blogroll will be welcomed, a s would any recommendations for podcasts. In the meantime, would someone please stuff Ralph Nader in the trunk of Ford Pinto and push it down a steep hill backwards? And while you're at it, you could point the thing at the campaign of Hillary Clinton. After all the (justified) complaints from her and Bill about the crap they had to put up with from the Drudge Report, it's a bit rich for her to have staff feeding ammo for the right wing wurlitzer to the same guy. And the lame spin attempts ("What? We probably didn't do it and even if we did why should Obama be embarrased by his African heritage?") are just embarrrasing. Hillary has shot herself in the foot with this one and with or without the Nader-filled Pinto-missile, her campaign is going to be a fiery wreck following the Texas and Ohio primaries next week.
Now, get those cops to move back and send in some pizzas, or else!
"Oh lawdy, do what he says, do what he says!"

Blog held hostage - Day 2

With the incipient arrival of Marshal Dave and the Galloping Beaver Posse (worst band name ever) the counter is down to 560 hits as of midnight (my midnight over here in the land of the Rising Sun, more like your noon or early morning over there Canuckistan and the Excited States) so while we fill water buckets, sandbag the windows and set the booby traps to buy time to finish planning the modest renovations and sort out the additions, let me give something to think about.

While I may be joking about this whole thing, some out there in wingnutland are seriously losing their shit. Like "Yankee Jim" a white supermacist blogger who strangled his wife before hanging himself recently. Or Sgt. Ronbo, another right-wing whackjob who self-destructed last week. This guy describes the whole thing as a tragedy, while omitting mention of Sgt. "I am not crazy, I am just like Hamlet" Ronbo's conviction for threatening to assassinate the Clintons, whom he claims were out get him and whom be holds responsible for his suicide.

Now, if I were a less charitable person I could say "good riddance to bad rubbish" and leave it at that, but to quote The Jefferson Airplane "No man is an island, he's a penninsula." Any death is sad, some are just a lot sadder than others. Even George Wallace changed his mind in the end, so you never know who's gonna find Jebus for real and realize what a shithead they've been.

My real concern here, boarded up inside this shack full of canned goods and ammunition, is that no one will answer for what has been done to these two and thousands like them who have been brainwashed by the Right Wing Noise Machine into homicidal maniacs. Forget the head of Jonah Goldberg -- he's a buffoon and almost amusing in a sick sort of way -- Bring me the head of Hal Turner, or least hand his ass over to the Secret Service. He's already successfully exhorted his mindless meat puppets to kill the family of a judge, but maybe goading the fruitcakes into trying to shoot Barack Obama doesn't count if you're an FBI spy. Should we just calling him Jack Ruby now or wait until one of his goon squad follows orders? And when that happens the blood won't just be on his hands --I'm looking at you Rush/Anne/Michele/KKKate!

Hey, did that shrub just move? Come and get me, coppers! You'll never take me alive!!!

Waitaminnit! You were going to at least try to take me alive, right? I mean those are the rules, right? aren't they?


Blog held hostage day 3
Well, this is taking a lot less time that I expected. The various posses from The Galloping Beaver, Canadian Cynic, Unrepentant Old Hippie, the Vanity Press and JimDandy Goodness have driven the hit counter skyward lot less time than I anticipated, so fast that I can't keep up. I love you all and if it weren't for the fact that I don't have a uterus or anything, I'd want to bear your children!! But as a comic, in all seriousness, I better get cracking on the renovation and the big retrospective post.
While the hot oil wrestling match between Stephen "the hammer" Harper and Stockwell "Doris" Day promised by PSA isn't available at the moment, for now enjoy this hidden camera look at a group of Blogging Tories in Alberta holding forth in a political round table. I think the first guy you see is Dick Evans, and that could be Ezra Levant next to him.

Blog Held Hostage - Day Four

Free at last, thank gawd almighty, I'm free at last!

Okay, we, or rather I, surrender. I'm a bit awed by the response from all my favorite Canuck bloggers - I mean, I figured the gang at the Beaver could be counted on to help me out, but the rest - JJ, CC, PSAChet , David, RossKPoons - who sent all their click monkeys my way-- well you have a special place in the woodshed from now on. And when we do finally have the big real-life meet up that will happen just as soon as I win the lottery, the drinks are on me.  In the meantime, virtual Bushmills&coffee and/or Grog all around.  And that goes for all of you who showed some love in the comments here and elsewhere, like Mike, LuLu, Red Tory, Frank Frink --even people who formerly were fairly pissed off at me, like Holly Stick and Skdadl.
I'm not sure how much of this to put down to people actually liking this blog and how much to Dave's natural authority born of the long habit of command, but I'll take the clicks. And before you scoff at that last bit, you should have look at the spike in the numbers that came when he started the first posse. As I've said at other times of Pete Seeger, I'm just glad he's on our side.

It's a free concert from now on! Just watch out for the brown acid.


Mike said...

Alright...lets everybody be calm here...

RossK said...


But how, exactly, will we know when the Stockholm Syndrome has begun take hold?


Dave said...

Hang in there Rev. I'm gettin' a posse organized. We gonna rescue you!

(I love rescues. They're just so... Curly, if you know what I mean).

Alison said...

How you holdin' up there, Rev?

Listen, man, help is on the way.
I registered your blog with a pron site and requested that if anyone had any good advice on penis-enlargement meds, could they please leave a message here.
That should crank up the hits nicely.
No, don't thank me - just the thought of your blog being inundated with ads for v1@gr@ is all the thanks I require.

Rev.Paperboy said...

Ah Alison, yer all heart. I don't need vi@gr@ or other enhancements, what I need someone to keep the kids occupied, or failing that a lock for the bedroom door.

Lindsay Stewart said...

britney's cooter
britney's hoohaw
britney's gobbler
britney's nekked bubbins

that should do the trick!

hang in there rev, the drool will set you free!

Zorpheous said...

no, no no,

Britney's Bush

That's the one that gets me the traffic

West End Bob said...

Paris Hilton
Nicole Richie

Now about that rum: Spiced or not?

How's Alison's action helping out?? Things are rising, hopefully . . . .

Red Tory said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Red Tory said...

Okay, let's try that again...

Here’s an idea… why not just link repeatedly to The Drudge Report 2008®

over and over, and...
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®
The Drudge Report 2008®

And over again..

JJ said...

Here, you can have my most recurrent google searches...

hippie sex
old hippie sex
naked old hippies
hippie panties

and my personal favourite

old grannie sex

If that doesn't do the trick, there's more. Unfortunately.

JJ said...

Oh yeah, and feel free to delete that comment once you reach your goal

Anonymous said...

Do you think he means it??!?

JimBobby said...

Whooee! I jest added yer boog to my little boogroll. That oughta drive in scads of traffic, ReverendFeller.


Rev.Paperboy said...

oh sure,now that I'm obsessively checking site meter for a good reason, it decides to pack it in.

BTW -- all you guys will be included in my will one day. I love you all and I want to bear your children!

RossK said...


Snap out of it!

Oblique references to the Flying Nun will not help your cause.

Unless, of course, she can somehow be be linked to jj's personal favorite.


LuLu said...

I love you all and I want to bear your children!

Considering I only have a teenage boy who's got 10 inches and about 50 pounds of muscle on me, I'll take you up on that, rev. I've always wanted a little girl I could mold into my image ... frightening prospect, isn't it?

JJ said...

How's it going, Rev.? Everything under control?

Need any more google searches? Today I got "Pornstar"... with Arabic translation!

Lindsay Stewart said...

I ain't sure this is the traffic you want but...
desperate times and all. Cheers Rev.

Saskboy said...

I have to press F5 nearly 300 times you're saying?

Dave said...

If'n I have to get more people I will!

Look, I just got Poon from way over yonder. Crack shot that Poon.

Cheryl said...

Dear Gaaawd, I'm trying! So far today, I've managed to up the count by 11.

Er, is there some kind of prize for the 40,000th visitor? Like..say..a bottle of rum? A free cheeseburger and fries? A "deep thought" by Jack Handey?

Motivate me!

Lindsay Stewart said...

hold on there rev. only 21 more hits to go! oh and the redesign is nice (i like the larger print for aging eyes) but opening the page it jumps down to the one box/find anything applet. skipping over the top of the blog isn't a great thing, otherwise, coolness.

Rev.Paperboy said...

PSA - thanks for the observation, I'm not sure what is up with that but I'll have a look around and try to sort it out.

Cheryl (and everyone else) -- there are plans for t-shirts and other swag in the works and whoever happens to be the 40,000th click monkey will get some swag if they are willing to surrender a mailing address.
Some of you might get swag anyway!

Dave said...


Freeeeedom! Nice remodeling job Rev. Looks pretty good in Firefox.

RossK said...

"And when we do finally have the big real-life meet up that will happen just as soon as I win the lottery......

Shoot Rev.

If we can free you from the terrorists why don't you think that can use our influence to get you that CBC Far East Bureau Chief job?


Anonymous said...

Oh, that. That was a long time ago. And you made a nice gesture, seeking peace.

Anyway, I save my long-term memory for the misdeeds of the real bastards. Remember Harper and the Grewal tapes? And Chuck Cadman, why would I be thinking of him lately? :D

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