"Where else would you go when you have an ax to grind?"

Monday, November 27, 2006

First wanker of the Christmas season sighted
And his name is Bob Kearns. He's the autocratic nutzoid head of the president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs in Southwestern Colorado, where they are fining a resident $25 a day for putting up a christmas wreath shaped like a peace symbol. Bob seems to feel it is a "Satanic symbol"
I guess he'd hate my idea to write "Lucifer Lives" in gasoline on his front lawn and set it ablaze for Halloween next year. I sure hope nobody makes fun him for the rest of his natural life for this. Because that would be wrong. He should be made fun of for much, much longer. Like Quisling, Gerrymander and Santorum before him, his name should become part of the lexicon. Any time someone shows themselves to be an ignorant, narrowminded, petty, pedantic, power-abusing nit-wit they should henceforth be known as a "Kearns" and abusing power in an ignorant, narrowminded, petty, pedantic, nit-witted way should henceforth be known as "Kearnsing."
(ie) "My high-school Vice-Principal sent me home from school for wearing a pair of FCUK jeans -- What a Kearns!" or "They Kearnsed me at the Post Office -- I let someone go ahead of me in line while I finished addressing a Christmas card and they made me go to the back of the line. What a bunch of Santorum-eating O'Reilys!"

Update: In the face of massive public protest, the Homeowners Association has backed off and declared the whole thing a big misunderstanding. As in, they misunderstood that bit in the constitution about "freedom of expression" and mistakenly thought they were living in Stalinist Russia.


Bazz said...

Well, that's the Loma Linda subdivision in Pagosa Springs scratched off the list of places I'd ever want to live... :)

Seriously though, somebody get Mr. Kearns a laxative, stat!

Scout said...

thanks for the update....when i read the story all i could think of was what a friend who's an urban planner always like to say, 'they build gated communities to keep them in and away from us, thank gawd!'.

Anonymous said...

Too funny. The wingnuttery never ends, does it.